315. Why Your Partner "Doesn't Get It" - and How to Reset Your Relationship with Eli Weinstein

Dec 8, 2025

Eli Weinstein, a licensed clinical social worker and couples therapist, returns to discuss navigating relationship dynamics during parenthood. He introduces the 'holy trinity' of relationships: expectations, perception, and reality, highlighting how misalignments lead to conflict. Eli shares a simple 15-minute daily check-in ritual to enhance communication and reduce resentment. He also talks about making the mental load visible, encouraging direct requests, and fostering accountability to ensure both partners feel equally valued.

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INSIGHT

Holy Trinity Of Relationship Misalignment

Expectations, perception, and reality often misalign and create resentment in parenting relationships.
Perception without context makes partners assume laziness instead of asking for clarity.

ANECDOTE

Dishes During COVID Example

Eli recounts his wife returning from work to find dishes undone and feeling judged for his day at home.
He realized she expected chores without saying so, illustrating missed expectations.

ADVICE

Do A 15-Minute Nightly Huddle

Run a 15-minute nightly check-in using three questions: untapped for tomorrow, what do you need from me, what do you need for yourself.
Use it to set expectations for the next day and reduce surprise conflicts.

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We’ve had Eli Weinstein on the podcast before (episode 182), where we focused on the postpartum period. Today, we’re talking about the next phase of parenthood—one that brings its own growing pains, relationship shifts, and a whole new set of expectations.

In his new book, Eli introduces the “holy trinity” of relationships: expectations, perception, and reality. He walks us through how easy it is for these three to get misaligned. One example almost every parent can relate to: when one partner works from home, the expectation is that more will get done around the house. When it doesn’t happen, the perception becomes that the partner is lazy, when the reality is that no one ever clearly set the expectation in the first place.

If you’ve been here for a bit, you know about Amy and Drew’s weekly meetings. Amy is honest—she doesn’t always look forward to them—but they’ve drastically improved clarity around roles and tasks. If you’re trying to bring something like this into your own relationship, Eli shares one simple 15-minute daily practice that can soften resistance and rebuild connection.

We also get into a feeling many of us have had at some point: “Why does my spouse feel like another child I have to remind all the time?” Eli normalizes the frustration. Giving your partner direction—even if it seems obvious—is better than simmering in resentment later. Think of it as a reset: just like teaching a child how to walk, sometimes our partners have never been taught certain systems, and clarity is an act of kindness.

Eli also breaks down his “import and export” lists. This framework helps families intentionally remove what no longer serves them while protecting what does. And of course, gratitude comes up—Eli shares why small, frequent expressions of appreciation might be the most powerful shift you can make in your marriage.

Eli closes the conversation with a grounding reminder: every couple is navigating this same transition. You are not alone. It’s never too late to reset, reconnect, and focus on your relationship with more compassion and clarity.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

VUORI: 20% off first purchase at: http://vuoriclothing.com/herself

Listen to episode #182 - Eli Weinstein with a Male’s Perspective on Partnership After Kids and Sharing the Mental Load: https://www.herselfpodcast.com/listen/eliweinsteinmentalload

Pre-order his new book "From I Do to We Do" AND get a free workbook: https://www.eliweinsteinlcsw.com/book

Eli’s Website: https://www.eliweinsteinlcsw.com/

The Dude Therapist Podcast: https://www.eliweinsteinlcsw.com/podcast

Follow Eli on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eliweinstein_lcsw/

Let’s connect!

HERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcast

MEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskiefer

MEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen