Why Your Brain Rewards You for Avoiding Your Boss, with Dr. Joel Salinas

#592: Ever wonder what's happening in your brain right before you knock on your boss's door to ask for a raise? Dr. Joel Salinas, neurologist and brain health expert, joins us to explain the neurology of negotiation.

When you avoid difficult conversations, your brain actually rewards you with a small dopamine hit. That temporary relief feels good, reinforcing the avoidance behavior.

But Dr. Salinas explains this creates a problematic loop: the more you avoid conflict, the more uncomfortable it becomes when you face it.

Breaking this cycle starts with a simple but powerful step: taking a breath. A long, slow exhale activates the more deliberative parts of your brain, helping you move beyond knee-jerk reactions.

Dr. Salinas suggests focusing on what he calls the "Bigger Better Offer" — the meaningful reward that comes from pushing through discomfort. Thinking about what happens if you don't ask for that raise (struggling to pay bills, missing career advancement) can motivate you to overcome avoidance tendencies.

Beyond workplace conflicts, we explore fascinating brain facts:

Your brain constructs reality like "one great big hallucination"

Neural pathways that fire together wire together

Conflict isn't a sign of failure — it's actually necessary for authentic connection

Want to boost your brain health? Dr. Salinas recommends regular exercise, brain-healthy foods like leafy greens and berries, quality sleep, supportive social connections, and challenging yourself with new skills.

The conversation meanders through various aspects of brain function — from why humans are visual creatures to how trauma impacts neural pathways — all explained in accessible, engaging terms.

Whether you're looking to have difficult conversations more effectively or simply curious about the remarkable three-pound organ controlling your reality, this episode offers practical insights into the science of your mind.

Timestamps:

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(0:00) Intro

(3:00) What happens in your brain when asking for a raise

(6:30) How negativity bias shapes interactions with authority figures

(10:41) The "Bigger Better Offer" technique for breaking behavioral loops

(19:22) Why avoiding conflict creates reward pathways in the brain

(29:12) Training your brain to tolerate disagreement

(34:52) How salience and valence affect what we perceive as conflict

(40:42) The role of internal conflict in decision-making

(55:08) Understanding the structure and functions of different brain regions

(1:00:53) Why imagination of possibility matters for breaking rumination cycles

(1:06:45) How challenging our brain creates new neural pathways

(1:11:42) Five key behaviors that improve long-term brain health

(1:17:03) Brain plasticity and how it changes throughout our lifetime

(1:22:51) Resources for learning more about conflict resilience

For more information, visit the show notes at https://affordanything.com/episode592

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