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Life Uncut

Ask Uncut - Can I Turn a Blind Eye to My Partner's Cheating?

Sep 25, 2024
51:25

Hey Lifers!

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Have you ever developed an allergy later in life? Laura may have developed a new one and it's impacting every aspect of her life and every pore in her body!
Vibes for the week:
Britt - Summer Fridays Jet Lag Mask
Keeshia - Huberman - Esther Perel: How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships
Laura - Into the Fire: The Lost Daughter on Netflix

We mentioned our episode with Esther Perel

Then we jump into the questions:

IS IT BETTER TO TURN A BLIND EYE?
Recently I found texts on my boyfriend of 5 years phone that appear to be organising to have sex with a sex worker, as well as messaging other girls to meet him out while he was working in another country (I don’t know if this ever eventuated). We don’t see each other much as I work in Aus and he works overseas for a lot of the year. He has a much higher sex drive than me and long distance/not much sex doesn’t bother me but it really bothers him. I haven’t told my boyfriend I know this yet and I haven’t told any family or friends. I know as soon as I tell anyone they will hate him and tell me the things that I would tell anyone else - to break up with him. The problem is I’m 30 next year, I want to have a baby in the next two years andI  had my life pretty much sorted with him on paper. He has his faults but he is my best friend. The thing is, he makes an enormous amount of money and I don’t. In our future I know my children will be looked after and they won’t have to struggle. I know I won’t have to struggle. I come from a family who doesn’t have a lot of money and being with my boyfriend means I know I can take care of them better than if I’m single. Right now I don’t know whether to confront my boyfriend because I know as soon as I say this out loud I can’t take it back and it will mean that I have to break up with him as cheating is not something I want in a relationship. Is it morally wrong to just look the other way because of the benefits this relationship brings me, my family and my future family? 

I know this seems like an obvious answer but I know how hard life can be and being with him means my life will in some ways be easier with him in it. Or if this will always be in the back of my mind and ruin my happiness even with the security it brings. Help. Please. I feel like I’m old, have nothing to show for myself and I’m scared I’ll never be a mother if we break up now. 

HOW TO CHOOSE WEDDING LOCATION WHEN FAMILY ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF AUS
I have recently got engaged and we have already started talking about when and where as these are the biggest questions we have to answer. We would like to have it maybe this time next year to allow people interstate and international sort their lives out to come. Now the big question is, where? My family is all east of Australia and we live in WA. My fiancé’s immediate family is here in WA as well. Our friends are in WA. I have family that are elderly and wouldn’t be able to travel. We have brought up the subject with my fiancés parents and my MIL didn’t have a very good reaction which I knew would happen. How do I say that I don’t know how long my elderly family members will be with us and I want them at my wedding as they mean so much to me. How do I approach this topic and not seem like I’m being a bridezilla making us have our wedding east? Or do we elope and have two parties one east and one west?

DO I TELL HER THAT HER HUSBAND IS CHEATING?
I'm in a tough situation and need some advice. I overheard my partner talking about a night out where one of his coworkers cheated on his partner, who is home with their 6-month-old baby. I feel awful for the woman and want to tell her, but I don't know her or her partner, and my partner would be furious if he knew I was eavesdropping. On top of that, if I say something, it could put my partner in a difficult position since the cheater is connected to management. I can't shake the feeling that I need to do something, but I’m worried about the consequences for everyone involved. What should I do?
We got some additional info - the partner works FIFO and was disturbed when he heard the coworker say that he had been cheating.

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