Do You F*cking Mind? 182. How to be less defensive, and how to deal with defensive people
Feb 21, 2023
Explore the intricate dynamics of defensiveness in relationships and how it complicates communication. Discover the origins of defensive behaviors and their impact on self-identity. Gain insights into handling defensive partners with effective communication strategies. The conversation even touches on how affiliations can trigger irrational defensiveness. Learn to promote open dialogue and reduce blame to foster healthier interactions. Plus, a fascinating link between the nervous system and EpiPens adds an unexpected twist to the discussion!
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Why Defensiveness Is Identity Protection
- Defensiveness ties a person's identity to the criticized subject so feedback feels like a personal attack.
- Detaching self-worth from actions makes admitting mistakes and changing behavior far easier.
Childhood Shapes Defensive Patterns
- Defensive patterns often originate from childhood lessons about honesty and punishment.
- Severe punishment for honesty trains people to lie or become defensive to avoid exposure.
Defensiveness Can Be Misplaced Emotion
- Sometimes defensive outbursts respond to unrelated pent-up emotions, not the immediate criticism.
- That doesn't excuse the behavior, but it explains why reactions can be disproportionately intense.