No More Desire ™ Porn Addiction Recovery 105: The Porn Trap: Why Pain, Not Pleasure, Keeps You Addicted (with Chandler Rogers)
If you’ve ever felt like your porn addiction makes no sense—like you’re a good man, doing your best, yet you keep falling into the same cycle—this episode will hit home.
In today’s conversation, I sit down with Chandler Rogers, founder of the Relay app, to unpack why it’s not actually pleasure that keeps you stuck in the addiction cycle… it’s pain. Specifically, it’s the pain you haven’t been taught how to face.
We talk about the hidden wounds driving sexual compulsion, the parts of you that feel pressure to be perfect, and the scared young boy inside that’s just trying to be okay. Chandler opens up about his own story of struggling with pornography in secret, even while appearing “put together” on the outside—a story many of us will deeply relate to.
We also explore why white-knuckling and over-managing your behavior isn’t real recovery… and how true healing begins when you stop avoiding pain and start listening to it.
This episode covers powerful themes around:
- How to quit porn by healing emotional pain, not just controlling behavior
- Why self-awareness and self-compassion are critical for lasting porn recovery
- The role of vulnerability and group support in overcoming porn addiction
- How the fear of rejection drives compulsive sexual behavior
- Why many Christian men feel shame around their sexuality—and how to heal it
- How Internal Family Systems (IFS therapy) helps us lead our parts rather than be controlled by them
- What it means to build emotional safety, sexual integrity, and spiritual growth as a man
We also talk about how to navigate marriage when one partner is healing from betrayal trauma, and the other is trying to maintain sexual sobriety. Chandler shares vulnerable, practical insights about how men can face their emotions, show up for their wives, and connect with the inner child driving their compulsions.
Whether you’re in the middle of your struggle or years into recovery, this conversation will challenge and empower you. This is not a “do more” message—it’s an invitation to go deeper.
Resources Mentioned:
🔗 JoinRelay.app — Chandler’s group recovery app that connects you with real support
🔗 NoMoreDesire.com — Get 1-on-1 support and a step-by-step program to build a recovery mindset and lifestyle
Recommended Episodes:
Why Sex in Marriage Can Trigger Porn Cravings | How to Rewire Your Brain for Healthy Sexuality
Sexual Desire Isn’t Sin | The Conversation Christian Men Are Afraid to Have
Self-Inflicted Sexual Trauma of Porn Addiction and Masturbation
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