Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide ERP 289: How To Get Out Of A Holding Pattern In Relationship
On today's episode of The Empowered Relationship Podcast, we are going through a laser coaching session. I speak to Vanessa and support her to refocus regarding her connection with her partner. One of the things that she is challenged with is getting stuck in the logical, analytical space where she weighs the pros and the cons in examining her relationship. Although this can be helpful occasionally, it can also get us in a holding pattern, where we go back and forth and don't get clear on the right path to take. In this laser coaching session with Vanessa, I help her access her emotions and recognize the parts of her relationship where she feels discontent and pain.
When we have a void in our lives it can lead to a holding pattern in a relationship, but equally when we overanalyze our feeling it often keeps us from really being vulnerable and accessing the emotional deeper longing and discontent. One of the aspects that I'm intentionally trying to focus on in my coaching capacity is to help people access parts in themselves that they often don't slow down enough to connect with. We want to find the space to access the parts of ourselves that we might deny, repress or ignore so that we can explore them.
Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.
In this episode:
04:50 How we can work together with our partner to resolve the differences in the relationship
07:07 Vanessa describes why she feels she and her boyfriend are in a holding pattern
08:53 We discuss Vanessa's internal list of pros and cons of her relationship and she shares the big-ticket items that she has discontent around
12:25 Lack of a depth of connection where Vanessa and her partner feel together, and why she feels like she can’t currently lean on him
16:03 Why keeping busy masks issues and can prevent us from discussing significant issues in our relationships
18:44 The problem of feeling lonely in your relationship and Vanessa’s reflections on how to resolve the issue
22:43 We discuss why planning for the future is a problem in Vanessa’s relationship and why she is stuck in the analytic phase
26:05 I connect with the pain that Vanessa is feeling that is prompting her to question her relationship
27:00 Why it can be so hard to get clear when we're trying to figure our relationship out from an intellectual place
29:53 We don't get enough support or emphasis around how much this means to us on a nervous system level on a human survival level, to feel that responsiveness from our partner, to feel that engagement, to feel their availability
32:56 Finding someone who aligns with the things that are important to her is what Vanessa values in a relationship
42:58 Why I would strongly encourage working with the principles around Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) when you are feeling at a standstill in a relationship
50:39 The importance of getting outside our heads when evaluating our relationships
Mentioned
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ERP 273: How To Handle The Concern Of Vulnerability Not Working In Relationship
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ERP 262: How Do I Know When My Relationship Has Reached An End
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ERP 115: How To Develop The Strength Of Vulnerability – Part Two
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