How To Heal Insecure Attachment With Julie Menanno
Mar 12, 2025
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Julie Menanno, a therapist, author, and creator of The Secure Relationship community, shares insightful strategies for healing insecure attachment. She discusses the root of self-abandonment and how it leads to unhealthy relationship patterns. Julie emphasizes the importance of emotional processing over quick fixes and encourages listeners to cultivate a secure self-relationship. The conversation also highlights the significance of identifying attachment triggers versus genuine relationship issues, fostering trust and empathy in partnerships.
Self-awareness and emotional processing are crucial for overcoming self-abandonment and developing healthier relationship patterns.
Social media influences can create unrealistic relationship expectations, urging individuals to seek internal validation and self-discovery instead.
Cultivating secure attachment involves partners regularly supporting each other emotionally, recognizing triggers, and fostering open communication to enhance connection.
Deep dives
Introduction to Attachment Theory and Self-Work
The episode emphasizes the significance of understanding attachment theory as it relates to personal and relational health. It outlines the different types of attachment styles, specifically focusing on anxious and avoidant attachment. A key insight is that those with insecure attachment styles often struggle with self-abandonment, leading to patterns of behavior that can harm both themselves and their relationships. The hosts encourage individuals to explore their attachment systems and begin the journey of self-discovery to create healthier relationship dynamics.
Social Media's Role in Relationship Expectations
The conversation critiques social media's influence on relationship expectations, particularly the trend of quick judgments regarding partners' behaviors. It is pointed out that many social media accounts promote a narrative that encourages looking outward for validation and solutions instead of developing self-awareness and introspection. The hosts advocate for a more balanced approach where individuals learn to understand their emotions and their partner's emotions, thus fostering a more profound connection. This perspective shift is seen as essential for promoting healthier interactions and reducing unrealistic expectations.
Developing Secure Attachments
The episode discusses strategies to cultivate secure attachment within relationships, including the importance of taking turns in caretaking and vulnerability. It highlights the value of both partners understanding each other's emotional needs and actively supporting one another through emotional struggles. A significant recommendation is to identify triggers that disrupt healthy communication and to openly express these triggers without blame. By doing so, couples can create an attachment-friendly environment that fosters safety and understanding.
Self-Regulation and Emotional Processing
A major takeaway from the episode is the necessity of self-regulation and emotional processing in maintaining healthy relationships. The hosts emphasize that instead of relying on external validations, individuals must learn to tune into their feelings and responses, particularly during triggering situations. Practical strategies for this include pausing to identify physical sensations associated with emotions, articulating fears, and validating one's feelings. This approach encourages self-compassion and ultimately empowers individuals to address relational issues more proactively.
The Importance of Reparenting in Relationships
The discussion highlights the concept of reparenting as a way to develop emotional resilience and healthier relationships. The hosts suggest that individuals often need to parent themselves by nurturing their emotions and being compassionate during moments of distress. Techniques discussed include leaning into discomfort and actively working through feelings of grief, fear, or shame. The goal is to create a more secure sense of self that fosters healthier dynamics within romantic relationships, allowing for both vulnerability and connection.
Joined by special guest, Julie Menanno, our hosts sit down to discuss how to heal insecure attachment by focusing on self-awareness, emotional regulation, and developing a secure relationship with oneself. She emphasizes that attachment wounds manifest through self-abandonment, which leads to unhealthy relational patterns. Healing involves learning to sit with and process difficult emotions rather than seeking external reassurance, shifting from self-protection to self-support. In relationships, individuals must take turns being caregivers for one another, creating an attachment-friendly environment that fosters trust and security.
Listen to learn more about topics like:
Self-Abandonment as the Root Issue
Emotional Processing Over Quick Regulation
Building Secure Attachment with Self
Discerning Between Attachment Triggers and Relationship Red Flags
and more!
Julies Bio & Links:
Julie Menanno MA, LMFT, LCPC, is a therapist, author, and creator of The Secure Relationship, a community dedicated to helping people build secure, loving relationships. With over 1.3 million Instagram followers, Julie’s relatable advice and real-time couples therapy sessions have made her a trusted voice in relational health. Her book Secure Love, published by Simon & Schuster in 2024, dives deep into attachment theory and is available worldwide.
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