Aalia Farzan, a journalist with BBC Afghan Service, shares her inspiring love story after leaving Afghanistan post-Taliban takeover. She highlights Afghan courtship traditions and the clash with modern dating. Ilona Hromliuk, a BBC Ukrainian journalist, discusses the poignant journeys of women visiting their partners on the frontlines amid war, revealing the emotional toll and resilience required in these challenging times. Together, they illustrate the intricate dynamics of love in contrasting cultures shaped by conflict.
Aalia Farzan's love story exemplifies a modern courtship experience that challenges traditional Afghan marriage expectations amidst cultural constraints.
The practice of shirbaha illustrates the financial implications and societal pressures surrounding Afghan marriages, affecting women's roles post-marriage.
Deep dives
Afghan Love and Marriage Customs
In Afghanistan, marriage is predominantly arranged, with dating often viewed as taboo. Young people may engage in secret courtship, particularly in larger cities like Kabul, but it is heavily regulated by family involvement. Families undertake extensive investigations to find suitable partners for their children, going door to door to gauge the suitability of potential brides, often without the couple having met prior to engagement. This cultural dynamic places a heavy emphasis on the bride's attributes, while the groom's worthiness often relies on familial approval rather than proactive personal choice.
Shirbaha: The Financial Aspect of Marriage
Shirbaha, akin to a dowry, is a crucial financial expectation in Afghan marriages, acting as a way for families to recover some of the expenses incurred in raising their daughters. This traditional practice positions the bride often in a domestic role post-marriage, expected to contribute as a caretaker alongside household duties. Depending on the family's financial situation, this could amount to anywhere from thousands to tens of thousands of dollars. Consequently, the shirbaha is often spent on wedding expenses, jewelry, and household necessities, highlighting its significance in both social and financial contexts.
A Modern Love Story Amidst Tradition
Amidst traditional Afghan customs, a unique love story unfolded between Alia and her husband, who met as colleagues while working in London, far from their homeland. Their courtship marked a departure from the norm, as they had the opportunity to get to know each other before involving their families in the decision. Despite the typical expectations, Alia's family conducted their own checks on her husband, underscoring the blend of modernity and tradition in their arrangement. This narrative highlights how emotional connections can thrive even within culturally stringent frameworks, paving the way for new beginnings and mutual respect.
Aalia Farzan of BBC Afghan services left her life in Afghanistan after the Taliban retook the country in 2021 and came to London, and it was there she met her now husband. She speaks about this unlikely love story, and sheds some light on what Afghan courtship entails.
Ilona Hromliuk of BBC Ukrainian has spoken to women who travel thousands of miles across Ukraine, to go on a date with their husbands who are fighting on the frontlines.
Presenter: Feranak Amidi
Producers: Caroline Ferguson and Alice Gioia