Optimal Relationships Daily - Dating, Marriage and Parenting

2731: “I Need Closure!” Why It Is Not Possible To Get It by Dr. Jennifer Jill Harman with Luvze on True Healing After A Breakup

Sep 16, 2025
Explore the elusive concept of closure after a breakup. Delve into psychological theories that suggest closure may actually hinder healing. Discover how embracing uncertainty can promote personal growth. The conversation emphasizes that true emotional recovery often comes from accepting ambiguity rather than seeking definitive answers. Personal anecdotes highlight the journey of learning to love again and the importance of letting go of the need for closure.
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ANECDOTE

Failed Attempts To Get Closure

  • The host recounts Daphne flying from New York to London to get closure after a breakup and still feeling unresolved.
  • The host also spent ten years trying various methods to get closure with an ex called "the question mark."
INSIGHT

Closure Is Poorly Defined

  • Closure lacks a clear, consistent definition in psychological research.
  • One dissertation linked closure to knowing why the relationship ended and losing attachment or pain.
INSIGHT

Loss Of Self Explains Lingering Grief

  • Attachment theory relates closure to eliminating ambiguous feelings and reorganizing the self after loss.
  • Greater self-expansion with a partner predicts a larger loss of self when the relationship ends.
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