Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens 249: When Teasing Turns Toxic, What’s a Parent to Do?
Dec 9, 2025
Middle school is a battlefield of emotions and social dynamics. The podcast delves into how teasing can turn cruel, affecting kids' confidence. Dr. Lisa discusses why even 'good kids' sometimes join in on meanness and how the weaponization of words like 'gay' can be damaging. There’s insight on how to support your child with empathy, and the importance of careful communication with schools. Lastly, the hosts reassure parents that these turbulent times are not permanent, as friendships and power dynamics shift over time.
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How Meanness Becomes Social Power
- Middle schoolers can get 'drunk on power' when a mean remark quickly shifts social status.
- Bullying often emerges from impulse, insecurity, and a hungry peer herd protecting the powerful kid.
Belonging Trumps Morality In Seventh Grade
- Belonging drives seventh graders to cling to whoever protects their spot in the group.
- Many kids choose self-preservation over defending a peer who was 'pushed off the raft.'
Why 'Gay' Is Used As A Weapon
- Using 'gay' as an insult persists regardless of how progressive a community is.
- Boys often weaponize the term to police masculinity because it can't be easily disproven.