#732 - Mary Harrington - Why You Shouldn’t Share Your Private Life Online
Jan 15, 2024
01:22:55
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Mary Harrington, a writer and author, discusses the concept of digital modesty, the impact of oversharing, the crisis of masculinity and femininity, the surrogacy industry, and the distortion of reality online.
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Quick takeaways
Digital modesty is important for setting boundaries and preserving privacy on the internet.
Over-sharing on social media can hinder the development of intimacy in dating and relationships.
Constantly sharing personal details online leaves little room for genuine connection and private moments.
Redefining gender roles in the modern era requires finding what works best for each couple without rigidly imposing traditional stereotypes.
Deep dives
Digital modesty: Setting boundaries on the culture of transparency
Digital modesty is the concept of setting boundaries on what we share on the internet. It involves considering the potential negative consequences of sharing certain personal information or images online. The speaker shares their own experience of not posting a selfie after completing a marathon due to the fear of receiving negative comments. They discuss the need to protect intimate and personal moments from public consumption due to the potential exposure and scrutiny. Digital modesty is described as a way to counter the culture of transparency that emerged with social media and highlights the importance of preserving privacy and intimacy in relationships.
The challenge of dating in the age of transparency
The podcast explores the challenges of dating in a culture of transparency and over-sharing. The speaker discusses the dilemma faced by individuals who engage in extensive social media sharing, as their potential partners may have access to personal information and opinions they have posted online. The speaker suggests that this can create a barrier to building intimacy as individuals may feel self-conscious or judged by their online presence. The discussion highlights the importance of setting boundaries and reserving certain aspects of one's personal life for privacy and intimacy.
The impact of transparency on relationships and intimacy
The podcast delves into the impact of the culture of transparency on relationships and intimacy. The speaker explains how the constant need to share personal details and experiences on social media can hinder the development of a shared intimacy between individuals. They argue that the pressure to constantly document and share every aspect of life online leaves little room for genuine connection and private moments. The speaker suggests that maintaining a level of digital modesty and protecting personal boundaries can help preserve intimacy in relationships that may otherwise be eroded by the performance of constant transparency.
The challenges of redefining gender roles
The podcast explores the challenges of redefining gender roles in the context of the modern world. The speaker discusses how traditional gender roles were intricately linked to pre-modern life and the division of labor between men and women. They argue that attempting to reverse engineer those roles in the modern era can be complex and may lead to toxic dynamics within relationships. The speaker emphasizes that there is no one-size-fits-all solution and suggests that couples should find what works best for them, respecting each other's preferences and strengths without rigidly imposing traditional stereotypes.
The ambivalent position of women in the conservative movement
There is an ambivalent position of women within the larger conservative or right-wing dissident movement. While some right-wing men express virulent misogyny, many women feel alienated by the progressive left and its orthodoxy. These women find themselves politically homeless and grappling with their political identity. The discourse on dating dominates the subculture, but it seems to lack substance and offers limited insights. This raises questions about the future direction of these subcultures and digital cultures as a whole.
The impact of wealth inequality and pathogen fear on behavior
Wealth inequality and pathogen fear can impact behaviors such as self-objectification and casual sex. In societies with greater wealth inequality, women tend to self-objectify more. Pathogen fear, such as during the COVID-19 pandemic, was expected to decrease casual sex due to increased concerns about health. However, cultural and individual factors can influence behavior in complex ways that may not align with initial expectations.
Belief in the preservation of human relationships
Despite the challenges and divisive discourse surrounding relationships on the internet, the enduring fixation on the relations between men and women suggests that the desire for human connection persists. Men and women still want to be together, even amidst the chaos. Amidst the extreme voices, many well-adjusted individuals are forming meaningful and healthy relationships, often away from the online discourse.
Everyone has the temptation to share their life on the internet, but where does the line of sharing stop and oversharing begin? How has our performance for the crowd crept into our morals and changed the way we see the role of privacy around our personal lives?
Expect to learn what Digital Modesty is, why liberals would more likely date an Only Fans worker than an OnlyFans subscriber, if there is a crisis with both masculinity and femininity in our culture, Mary’s thoughts on the surrogacy industry, why women need to develop a strategy for not getting what they want and much more...
