Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel Esther Calling - Are We Just Not Sexually Compatible?
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Jan 13, 2025 A caller grapples with her sexual compatibility with a partner, exploring underlying trauma shaping her anxiety. The discussion dives into desire dynamics, emphasizing the importance of communication and self-awareness in intimacy. Strategies for maintaining a sexual mindset and understanding triggers are shared, alongside playful approaches to redefine connection. The conversation also highlights the significance of emotional safety after trauma, urging partners to foster a secure environment for rekindling intimacy and trust.
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Caller's Sexual Dilemma
- The caller explains that her partner's persistence, initially attractive, now feels sexually overwhelming.
- She prefers a slower pace and being the pursuer, feeling powerful and in control.
Incompatibility vs. Attunement
- Esther Perel suggests the issue isn't incompatibility but rather differing sexual scripts and rhythms.
- True incompatibility is less about preferences and more about the ability to attune to each other.
Power Dynamics and Desire
- The caller explains her preference for being the pursuer, enjoying the power and autonomy it provides.
- Submitting to her partner's will leads to a loss of autonomy and, consequently, desire.