Episode 447: Do Sex Toys Ruin Sex? Myth Vs. Fact

10 snips

Nov 7, 2025

Venus O'Hara, a pleasure educator and Spain's first professional sex toy tester, joins the conversation to debunk widely-held myths about sex toys. She explains how vibrators don’t desensitize you, and reassures listeners that toys can enhance partnered experiences without insecurity. Venus advocates for inclusivity, stressing that sex toys are for everyone, and offers beginner-friendly recommendations like the Satisfyer Pro 2. She also highlights safety tips, addressing potential injuries and the importance of choosing quality products.

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INSIGHT

Erotic Pathways Need Variety

Repeatedly using the same stimulation can create a single erotic pathway that limits other routes to orgasm.
Venus recommends variety and multiple toys to build new erotic pathways and preserve partnered responsiveness.

ANECDOTE

Broken Rabbit Opened New Pathways

Venus broke a rabbit vibrator and learned she could orgasm without internal stimulation after trying other toys.
That experience expanded her sexual repertoire and opened her to many more toy types.

ADVICE

Start Toys With Nonthreatening Play

Introduce toys with non-genital play like massage, blindfolds, or narrow-tip vibrators to avoid triggering partner insecurity.
Use surprise and exploration to reframe toys as enhancement rather than replacement.

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Have you ever heard that vibrators will desensitize you and ruin partnered sex forever? That sex toys are just for women, singles, or kinky folks? Or that if you need a toy, something must be wrong with your sex life or relationship? These are common beliefs, but they’re not grounded in reality. So let’s set the record straight.

My guest is Venus O’Hara, a pleasure educator, author, and content creator. She became Spain’s first professional sex toy tester, and since 2014 has tested and reviewed over 1,000 products from leading sexual wellness brands worldwide. She is the author of Orgasmic Manifestation and hosts the podcast, The Orgasmic Lifestyle.

Some of the specific areas we explore in this show include:

What do you need to know if you’re worried about becoming too “dependent” on sex toys?
How can people introduce sex toys into partnered sex without stoking insecurity?
Are sex toys just for women and single people?
What are some beginner-friendly sex toys worth considering?
What should you do if you try a toy and find that it doesn’t seem to do much for you?

Learn more about Venus by checking out her website here.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.