Episode 331: The Overfunctioning Woman with Dr. Ashley Southard

Have you ever felt like if you don’t do it, it just won’t get done? Like the relationship, the parenting, the emotional glue that holds everything together is your job? You might be an overfunctioning woman and this episode is your loving (but no-nonsense) invitation to finally let it go.

I’m joined by Dr. Ashley Southard, a licensed marriage and family therapist with over two decades of experience, who has lived the overfunctioning pattern in her own life and now helps women heal from it. We talk about what it really means to carry more than your fair share in a relationship, and how that relentless push to keep things going (when your partner won’t meet you halfway) can cost you your sanity, your health, and your sense of self.

If you’re tired, burnt out, and wondering why your relationships feel like so much work, it might be time to stop proving your worth and start receiving real love. And if your partner doesn’t rise when you stop overfunctioning? That’s information. The question becomes: what are you willing to do about it?

Here’s what else we discuss in this episode:

• What overfunctioning really is and how it’s even rooted in emotional labor and patriarchy (4:10)

• How underfunctioning shows up in a partner (think: not pulling their weight emotionally) (12:42)

• Why an overfunctioning woman needs an underfunctioning partner (17:56)

• How to begin healing from overfunctioning by stepping back, tolerating discomfort, and rebuilding a relationship with yourself (20:07)

• What it means to become a Self-Restored Woman: As Dr. Ashley says, “A woman who no longer works for breadcrumbs and knows she’s worthy of a feast.” (32:42)

• The Great Rest: what your nervous system does when you finally stop overfunctioning (36:52)

• A few small but powerful first steps if you’re starting to identify with this pattern and want to make a change (40:07)

Learn more about Dr. Ashley Southard: Dr. Ashley Southard is a psychotherapist in Scottsdale, AZ, specializing in The Overfunctioning Woman in Love who is struggling with the confusing, exhausting, and lonely dynamics of a one-sided, unfulfilling love relationship. With over 20 years of clinical experience treating complex trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and relationship issues, coupled with her own personal journey out of Overfunctioning, Dr. Ashley loves nothing more than creating an emotionally safe space for women to discover that they are not ‘crazy’ or ‘broken’…and that they have the power to become the Self-Restored Woman they were always meant to be!

Dr. Ashley is also very active on Instagram, offering life-changing information to “make sense out of the nonsense.” She has amassed a strong following of women who are remembering their power, learning how to come back home to themselves, and healing in community with other Self-Restoring women.

Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveDr. Ashley’s website

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DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-331-the-overfunctioning-woman-with-dr-ashley-southard/