Problems with Punishments (Described by a Parent Who Used Them) with Michelle Kenney
Aug 22, 2023
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Michelle Kenney, a former teacher turned mom, shares her journey from using punishments to gentle parenting. They discuss the impact of punishments on their children's behavior and how it created a rift in their relationship. The podcast explores the transformative power of empathetic listening and the importance of allowing children to have their feelings. The hosts express gratitude for the alternative parenting approach and emphasize the value of authenticity.
Punishments and rewards can have negative effects on children's behavior and can drive a wedge between them and their parents.
Acknowledging and addressing the underlying feelings and experiences behind children's actions is crucial for building connected relationships and understanding their behavior.
Deep dives
The Importance of Understanding the 'Why' Behind Parenting Methods
Michelle Kenny, author of 'Unpunished,' shares her experience transitioning from punitive methods to a more connected approach in parenting. She discusses the tipping point that made her realize the ineffectiveness of punishments and rewards and the negative effects they had on her children's behavior. Michelle emphasizes the importance of understanding the reasons behind our children's actions and addressing their underlying feelings.
The Role of Sibling Relationships and Triggers in Parenting
Michelle reflects on her own tumultuous relationship with her sister and how it influenced her fears and reactions to her own children's behavior. She highlights the significance of acknowledging the complex dynamics between siblings and how our own experiences can shape our parenting. Michelle explains how her past experiences influenced her fear that her older daughter's aggression towards her younger sister would ruin their relationship.
The Power of Connection and Listening in Parenting
Michelle shares how she found support and guidance through the hand in hand parenting approach. She highlights the importance of deeply listening to children's feelings and embracing their emotional expression. Michelle discusses the transformative impact of allowing her daughter to have big tantrums without punishment, creating a safe space for her to offload emotional turmoil. She emphasizes that by providing empathy and connection, parents can help their children navigate challenging emotions and build stronger, more connected relationships.
As a teacher, Michelle Kenney used punishments and rewards to motivate and manage children's behavior in her classroom. Then she became a mom. When her second daughter was born, her first child began exhibiting the typical behavior of an older, displaced child. She talked back, threw tantrums, and at one point became dangerously rough with her little sister. Frustrated and worried, Michelle’s instinct was to discipline her daughter with yelling and punishments, but she soon found that this approach was having the opposite effect and only driving a wedge between them. Introduced by chance to a gentle parenting coach, Michelle was eventually able to see her daughter’s behavior through a more empathetic lens. That changed everything. “It’s such a beautiful thing,” she says, “Having these good, connected relationships… I know they feel safe, and I never felt that way when I was growing up.” Michelle is now a parent coach and shares her experience, inspiration, and knowledge in her new book Unpunished.
Michelle's contact information and parenting resources are available at peaceandparentingla.com.