The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno Session 13: From Bad Guy to Bad A**: The Avoidant Partner Reclaims Her Voice
Dec 2, 2025
Bethany confronts her history of minimizing her own pain to maintain peace, revealing her journey back to assertiveness. A pivotal moment emerges as she reconnects with her inner strength, learning that self-advocacy is vital for her relationship. The discussion also uncovers Brian's frustrations, depicting his anger as a cry for connection. Together, they navigate their mutual struggles, exploring the importance of protecting each other's needs. The episode underscores the transformative power of reclaiming one's voice in love.
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Making Yourself Small Fuels Disconnection
- Avoidant partners often make themselves small, believing their hurts don't "rise to the level" of their partner's pain.
- That strategy protects from conflict short-term but fuels long-term disconnection and resentment.
List Of Hurts That Stayed Hidden
- Bethany recounts sending Brian a list of her hurts but then minimizing them because they felt smaller than his.
- That history led her to silence and emotional numbing during conflict.
Name Your Hurt And Ask For Protection
- When your strategy of minimizing feelings isn't working, first name the pain and state what you need aloud to yourself and your partner.
- Use clear, calm statements to invite protection and collaboration rather than blame.
