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Episode 78: Orna Donath - Regretting Motherhood

May 12, 2023

Israeli sociologist Orna Donath discusses her landmark book 'Regretting Motherhood' and the taboo surrounding women who regret becoming mothers. She explores the difference between regret and ambivalence, the shame and secrecy women face, and the societal pressure surrounding parenthood. This conversation sheds light on the experiences of women who regret being mothers and aims to remove the stigma surrounding alternative choices.

59:46

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Orna Donath

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Quick takeaways

Regretting motherhood is a taboo topic, and it is crucial to create a society that respects women's choices and reduces the stigma associated with regretting parenthood.

Ambivalence towards motherhood is distinct from regret and should not be assumed as a sign of regret. It is vital to acknowledge the complexity of women's experiences with motherhood.

Deep dives

The Stigma Around Regretting Motherhood

Orna Denath, an Israeli sociologist and author, discusses the taboo topic of regretting motherhood. She explores the stories of women who regret becoming mothers and the societal pressure to conform to motherhood. Denath emphasizes the importance of recognizing and respecting individual choices regarding parenthood, regardless of societal norms.

Introduction

3min

Defining Regret and Ambivalence in Motherhood

11min

Protecting Identities and Dealing with Shame and Guilt

2min

Regretting Motherhood: Shedding Light on Women's Experiences

26min

Removing Stigma and the Hope for Future Acceptance

3min

Choosing Not to Become Mothers

13min

Closing remarks and future projects

3min

Orna Donath is an Israeli sociologist, a teacher at Tel Aviv University, and the author of the landmark book, "Regretting Motherhood." During our conversation, Orna talks about the women she profiled in her book, the difference between regretting motherhood and having ambivalence towards it, and why and how women end up in a life where they regret being mothers. Orna also talks about regretting motherhood as one of our world's taboo topics, the idea that being childless is "selfish," what it is like for women to "come out" as regretting parenthood, and whether the desire to be child-free is an innate orientation.

This is one of the most important and interesting conversations I've ever had. Amazingly, Orna's work is the first of its kind: a study that gives voice to women whose experience of motherhood has been an unequivocal mistake. We often, I think, like to believe such people don't exist, hence the shame that's often associated with those who affirm this experience. Orna has helped to bring such women out of the shadows and, I hope, begun to lessen the stigma of those who honestly share the regret they feel about an irreversible, life-changing decision.

If we are to live in a world that respects and encourages individuality and personal preferences, then Orna's work is a consciousness-raising offering. I hope that it will help millions of women learn that they are not alone, and reduce the likelihood of people being influenced by conformity and peer pressure over honoring one's inner compass.

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(00:00) Intro

(04:27) The genesis of the study "Regretting Motherhood"