Matt Lieberman, a UCLA psychology professor and director of the Social Cognitive Neuroscience Lab, explores the nuances of communication. He emphasizes the difference between mind-reading and his concept of 'perspective-getting,' advocating for direct dialogue to enhance understanding. The conversation dives into how social and physical pain share neural pathways and explains the loneliness crisis through neuroimaging insights. Lieberman also highlights humility and curiosity as essential traits for effective communication.
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insights INSIGHT
Perspective-Getting
Mind-reading helps us understand others, but perspective-taking often leads to projection, not understanding.
Perspective-getting, or asking directly, yields more productive conversations and accurate understanding.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Persuasion Techniques
Use storytelling and narrative persuasion instead of direct commands when persuading.
Let others feel like they self-persuaded; this makes the persuasion more effective and lasting.
insights INSIGHT
Social Pain as Physical Pain
Social pain activates similar brain regions as physical pain, indicating a shared neural basis.
While distinct, social pain belongs in the "pain club" and serves as a signal and learning opportunity.
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In this book, Matthew D. Lieberman argues that our brains are wired to connect with others, and this social need is a primary driver of our behavior. He discusses how social pain is similar to physical pain, the neural circuitry of empathy, and the importance of social connections for our success, well-being, and happiness. The book draws on extensive research in social neuroscience, including studies conducted by Lieberman himself, to explain how our brains use spare time to learn about the social world and how we have a unique ability to read other people's minds and understand their hopes, fears, and motivations.
How to really know what your audience is thinking.
To be a great communicator, you have to get out of your own head. But that’s not all, says Matt Lieberman. According to him, you also have to get into the head of someone else.
“Mind-reading is this remarkable ability that humans have,” explains Lieberman, a professor of psychology, director of UCLA’s Social Cognitive Neuroscience Lab, and author of Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. But even as we engage in perspective-taking, Lieberman says our attempts to mind-read often miss the mark. Instead, he advocates for “perspective-getting” — where we don’t just intuit what others think, we ask them directly. “That is where more productive conversation comes from,” he says.
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Lieberman and host Matt Abrahams explore insights from social neuroscience that can help us communicate more effectively. From understanding how our brains process social interactions to recognizing our own assumptions, he reveals why successful communication requires both humility and genuine curiosity about how others see the world.
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Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques 
