
The Virtual Couch Your Goals Aren't Yours—That's Why They Don't Stick (ACT for Lasting Change)
What if your New Year's resolutions keep failing because they were never really yours to begin with? Most goals we set aren't chosen—they're inherited from magazines, social media, parents, or that version of ourselves we think we're supposed to become. That's why they don't stick. In this episode, Tony shares his decades-long "pushup obsession" and how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) finally broke the cycle—not through more discipline, but by discovering what actually mattered to him.
What you'll learn:
- Why "socially compliant goals" sabotage your motivation before you even start
- The crucial difference between values (your compass) and goals (checkboxes)—and why confusing them keeps you stuck
- How to use lead measures instead of lag measures to build sustainable change
- The "Passengers on the Bus" technique for moving forward even when self-doubt is loud
- A simple 5-step "Get Back on the Saddle" plan for when you inevitably wobble
With over 20 years of clinical experience, Tony explains why you're not broken—you're human—and offers a framework for building a life that actually feels like yours.
Ready to stop beating yourself up and start driving toward what matters? This might be the last resolution episode you'll ever need.
00:00 Introduction: Are Your Goals Really Yours?
00:44 Meet Tony Overbay: Your Guide to Self-Improvement
01:57 The New Year's Resolution Dilemma
04:03 The Pushup Story: A Lesson in Values
12:34 Understanding Socially Compliant Goals
15:04 Experiential Avoidance: The Trap of Avoiding Discomfort
20:26 Lag Measures vs. Lead Measures: The Key to Achieving Goals
27:28 Values vs. Goals: The Core of Sustainable Change
38:52 Perceived Value vs. Perceived Capability
40:57 Understanding Perceived Capability and Value
41:46 Corporate America and Disengagement
42:50 New Year's Resolutions and Motivation
46:18 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) vs. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
54:47 The Power of ACT in Therapy
01:00:58 Practical Steps for Getting Back on Track
01:06:05 Embracing Emotions and Moving Forward
01:08:01 Conclusion: Driving the Bus Towards What Matters
Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.
And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com
