Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

376: Living with Regrets, Part 1 of 2

Dec 25, 2023

In this episode, Rhonda and David work with Jessica, a mental health professional haunted by a decision made at 17. They discuss regrets and the intense negative emotions associated. They explore Jessica's background as a ballet dancer and her struggle to pursue her passion. They also touch on therapy tools, empathy exercises, and the importance of understanding core values. Additionally, they delve into the benefits of anxiety, shame, and humility.

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Introduction

00:00 • 3min

Living with Regrets and Finding Resolution

02:45 • 3min

Therapy Tools and Unexpected Information

05:31 • 6min

Understanding Jessica's Background and Emotions

11:45 • 1min

Growing Up in a Hispanic Culture and Pursuing Ballet

13:01 • 25min

Paradoxical Agenda Setting and Assessment of Resistance

38:07 • 20min

The Benefits of Anxiety and Shame

58:14 • 13min

Live Work With Jessica-- Living with Regrets

Rhonda and I recently did live work at a TEAM-CBT intensive in Mexico City. Our “patient” was a 40 year old mental health professional named Jessica with many years of unhappiness because of a decision she made when she was just 17. Perhaps you’ve also looked back on your life and thought, “If only I would have . . . “ done something I didn’t do,” as well as, “I wish I hadn’t done X, when I was young.”

Today you'll hear the initial Testing and Empathy portions of the session, and next week you'll hear the Assessment of Resistance, Methods, and final Testing..

Part 1 T = Initial Testing

DAVID WILL SUMMARIZE SCORES ON BMS AND DML

You can also see her scores on the emotions table of her Daily Mood Log here.

Emotions % Now % Goal % After Emotions % Now % Goal % After Sad, depressed, unhappy 90 Foolish 100 Anxious, worried, nervous 90 Discouraged 97 Bad, ashamed 95 Frustrated, stuck, defeated 100 Inadequate 90 Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed 95 Lonely 92 Other

As you can see, these negative feelings were all incredibly intense.

E = Empathy

Jessica, who grew up in Florida, explained that she started ballet dancing at the age of 3, and when she was 17, she won a prestigious full scholarship to study and have the chance to join a world renowned ballet company. Jessica was incredibly excited, but her mom did not see ballet as a “true career.” In addition, her mother was quite protective, which was not uncommon in the Cuban community, and told Jessica she could only accept the scholarship if she agreed to live with her grandparents in New York.

Jessica angrily rebelled and turned down the offer. Although she continued to dance professionally until her first daughter was born 14 years ago, she battled with feelings of anger and regret the entire time, while also blaming her mother for her. unhappiness.

She eventually got a bachelor’s degree in journalism, and worked in television for a period of time. Then she got a master’s degree in counseling, and found that she loves clinical work and helping people. However, she continued to live with feelings of regret and anger directed at her mom from age 17 to her current age of 40, for a total of 23 years, and explained that she frequently “takes it out” on her mom during periods of irritability.

She also has feelings of grief about what she’s lost when she see her young niece dancing ballet beautifully now. This statement brought tears to her eyes.

Jessica described all the sacrifices she’d made when growing up in order to become a top dancer, including periods of bulimia to maintain the thinness that her teachers always stressed. She explained that “everyone did it—they weighted us frequently and would grill us if we were even a little bit overweight. . .” and this was all in order to fulfill her ultimate dream of becoming a world class ballerina, a dream that vanished.

Jessica gave Rhonda and David an A on Empathy, and said that the self-disclosure felt uncomfortable, but helpful. Next week, you'll hear the inspiring conclusion of the work with Jessica!