How to Help a Strong-Willed Child Listen (Without Wounding His Spirit)
Mar 10, 2020
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A parent seeks advice on helping a strong-willed 4-year-old listen without stifling his spirit during nature walks. Strategies for understanding the child's perspective, creating a supportive environment, and navigating transitions are discussed. Emphasis on communication, empathy, and building a strong relationship with the child.
20:39
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Quick takeaways
Understanding a child's perspective is crucial for addressing behavior; children may not intentionally misbehave but act out of overwhelm.
Sibling transitions can impact a child's behavior and emotions; acknowledging their feelings and providing support is essential for effective parenting.
Deep dives
Understanding the Child's Point of View
The podcast episode emphasizes the importance of understanding a child's point of view in order to effectively address their behavior. It highlights the significance of seeing through the child's eyes and recognizing their perspective, especially for strong-willed and independent children. The podcast discusses how children in their early years can become easily overwhelmed, and their behavior might be a result of feeling stressed or seeking attention. It emphasizes that a child's behavior is not a deliberate choice to not listen, but rather a consequence of their overwhelmed state.
The Impact of Sibling Transitions
The podcast acknowledges the significant impact of sibling transitions on a child's behavior and emotions. It highlights the challenges older children face when a younger sibling is born, and how it can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed and seeking attention. The podcast emphasizes that while parents may see the new baby as a positive addition, the older child might interpret it as a change that takes away their parents' time and love. The episode notes that this emotional situation can contribute to the child's behavioral challenges, and understanding these dynamics is crucial for effective parenting.
Setting Up the Child for Success
The podcast provides practical strategies for helping a strong-willed and independent child listen and follow directions. It suggests setting the child up for success by communicating expectations before outings or activities, using a positive and collaborative approach. The podcast recommends avoiding warnings or confrontational language, and instead offering a heads-up about what is expected. It suggests providing a signal or a sign to indicate when it is time for the child to stop and wait, and if needed, offering the option to hold hands. The podcast highlights that setting boundaries and providing a safety net can actually enhance the child's free spirit and help them feel more secure.
A parent describes her 4-year-old son as energetic, independent and strong-willed. While she appreciates her son’s enthusiasm, she struggles to reign him in and finds herself yelling, "You're not listening!" She says they often take nature walks with friends and he inevitably runs ahead at an unsafe distance. She feels overwhelmed, especially when they are out with other parents “that have high expectations for behavior." She hopes Janet can offer a way to help her son listen, but “without killing his free spirit.”
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