Esther Calling - My Exes Exes Keep Ruining My Relationships
Apr 8, 2024
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A woman struggles with trust due to her ex's betrayal, leading her to sabotage her current relationship. The podcast explores jealousy, competition, and fear in relationships, as well as cultural clashes in a Taiwanese family. It dives into the roots of cautious behavior, past betrayals' impact on trust, and the importance of questioning advice.
50:58
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Quick takeaways
Balancing personal needs within a relationship without sacrificing individuality is crucial for maintaining a strong connection.
Past relationship trauma can influence present connections, leading to fear, insecurity, and difficulty in trusting fully.
Deep dives
Navigating a Partner's Close Relationship with an Ex
In the podcast episode, the speaker recounts being in a relationship with a partner who maintained a very close friendship with his ex-girlfriend. Initially sympathetic to each other's past relationship experiences, they struggled to balance their connection with the partner's intense bond with his ex. The speaker felt overshadowed by the ex-girlfriend's presence in their lives, leading to discomfort and a sense of lacking importance in the partner's life. Despite open communication and discussions, the relationship eventually ended due to the inability to find a way forward without sacrificing personal needs and feelings of security.
Balancing Individual Needs and Relationship Dynamics
The podcast explores the speaker's inner conflict of meeting personal needs without compromising the relationship's dynamics. The speaker questions how two individuals can navigate a balance that honors their individuality while maintaining a strong connection. The dilemma revolves around sacrificing aspects of oneself for the sake of the relationship or finding a way to integrate personal needs within the partnership without feeling overshadowed or insecure.
Impact of Past Relationship Trauma on Current Connections
The episode delves into how past relationship trauma, such as being cheated on by an ex-partner, can deeply influence present connections. The speaker's fear of not being as significant as her partner's ex stemmed from unresolved trust issues due to previous betrayal. This fear and hesitation to fully trust impeded the ability to embrace vulnerability and foster a deeper bond in the current relationship.
Cultural Background's Influence on Personal Choices
The dialogue extends to the impact of the speaker's cultural background on shaping personal values and decision-making. Raised in a family with firm beliefs and strict rules, the speaker struggles to find autonomy in aligning her individual values with her family's expectations. Cultural differences, gender bias, and familial dynamics pose challenges in asserting independence, leading to internal conflicts and self-doubt in defining personal identity and relationship choices.
A woman whose ex-boyfriend cheated on her with his ex girlfriend ends a perfectly good relationship because she can't trust how close her current partner is with his own ex. She wonders if two people can meet each other's needs without having to sacrifice a part of themselves and if she can ever move past her fears and let love into her life.
Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.
For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect, how we desire – and even how we love. To find a city near you, go to https://www.estherperel.com/tour2024
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