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Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal
The Secret To Attracting True Love That Lasts - Dating Expert Matthew Hussey
Dec 15, 2022
01:55:13
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Quick takeaways
- Break through the limitations of online dating by learning to approach someone in-person confidently.
- Understand the components of deep and lasting attraction to attract true love that lasts beyond the honeymoon phase.
- Utilize the 'Two-Hit Theory' to make yourself approachable and create authentic challenges in relationships.
- Emphasize compatibility in relationships by aligning values, lifestyles, and expectations with your partner.
Deep dives
Creating a Valuable Resource for Listeners
The team behind the podcast worked on compiling a free PDF document containing a list of 100 books recommended by the podcast guests. The goal was to provide additional value to the listeners. This resource aimed to offer the audience access to books that had significantly impacted the lives of both the podcast guests and the host, potentially benefiting the listeners' lives as well.
Matthew's Journey into Self-Development
Matthew's interest in self-development began as a young child when he discovered his father's bookshelf, which housed books like 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.' This early encounter sparked a fascination with improving social interactions and overcoming shyness. His exploration led him to apply the book's teachings in various aspects of his life, from DJing to deepening connections with adults. Additionally, attending a Tony Robbins event at a young age significantly influenced Matthew's passion for personal growth.
Matthew Transitions to Coaching and Public Speaking
As Matthew's interest in personal development evolved, he transitioned into coaching and public speaking. Starting from assisting men with approach anxiety to eventually giving dating advice to women, he emphasized creating genuine connections and highlighting the importance of non-neediness in interactions. Matthew's teaching approach focused on building chemistry, perceived value, perceived challenge, and connection while encouraging proactive actions within dating and relationship dynamics.
Fostering Interaction through 'Two-Hit Theory' and Challenges
Matthew introduced the concept of the 'Two-Hit Theory' to encourage small interactions in social settings, making individuals more approachable to others. By creating authentic challenges in relationships based on earned value and mutual actions, he stressed the significance of not prematurely elevating someone's value and the need for genuine commitment to progress to deeper relationship stages. The emphasis was on fostering genuine connections rather than relying solely on initial attractions.
The Importance of Compatibility in Relationships
Compatibility is highlighted as a crucial element in relationships, beyond just love and commitment. The podcast emphasizes that being compatible with your partner involves aligning values, lifestyles, and expectations. Examples such as differing ideas on loyalty or leisure activities are used to underscore the significance of shared compatibility to avoid future conflicts.
Balancing Love and Desire in Long-Term Relationships
The podcast delves into maintaining desire in long-term relationships after the initial honeymoon phase. It discusses how transitioning from the intense early stages to a deeper connection requires understanding and fulfilling each partner's needs for both love and desire. Strategies like paying attention to moments that ignite desire are suggested to nurture a thriving relationship.
Navigating Relationship Dynamics and Sustainable Attraction
The episode explores shifting attraction dynamics and the challenge of balancing security and excitement in relationships. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and catering to your partner's unique needs for both safety and novelty in maintaining long-term attraction. Real mastery in relationships is depicted as going beyond comfort zones to truly understand and fulfill your partner's desires.
51.
The Key in Relationships Is Not Allowing Your Advantages to Negate Those They Are
2min
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Now more than ever dating apps seem to be the sole focus of people’s attention as far as finding relationships are concerned. But mostly it’s because it feels like there’s no alternative. So how do you actually break through the two dimensional world of online dating (with it’s ghosting, red flags, icks and all) and start attracting real-life long lasting relationships? In this episode I sit down for a conversation with Matthew Hussey, one of the worlds leading dating experts and New York Times Bestselling author who has helped over 10 million people get the love life of their dreams. In the episode we start by discussing how Matthew found himself in the world of dating and relationships before uncovering his formulas for getting over the fear of approaching someone in-person, understanding the components of deep and lasting attraction and attracting true love that lasts well beyond the honeymoon phase. Enjoy!
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📚Check out my New York Times Bestselling book Feel-Good Productivity!
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(00:00) Intro
(01:39) Becoming a dating coach
(05:51) Your breakthrough at the Tony Robbins event
(13:13) Getting into public speaking
(19:59) Stealing like an artist, fears and taking risks
(32:31) Rewriting myths about dating & the handkerchief metaphor
(40:49) Modern day handkerchiefs
(44:33) Two hit theory
(53:06) Stages of deep and lasting attraction
(01:02:55) The importance of compatibility
(01:08:21) Is there a difference between dating advice for men and women?
(01:21:55) Your advantages can become your weaknesses
(01:34:10) How much is attraction a choice?
(01:44:21) Long term relationships & the honeymoon phase
🔗 CONNECT WITH MATTHEW
🎥 YouTube Channel
💻 Website
📸 Instagram
🐦 Twitter
💌 Find Your Dating Solution Here
💪 Discover How To Move On After Heartbreak
🔗 CONNECT WITH ALI
📚 Download my FREE 100 Books To Live Your Best Life Reading List
🎥 YouTube Channel
💻 Website
📸 Instagram
🐦 Twitter
👥 Linkedin
Find the show notes and the transcript on the website: https://aliabdaal.com/podcast/
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