How Not To Suck At Divorce 181. Not Ready to File for Divorce? What to Do Instead
How to prepare, protect yourself, and move forward without rushing
This episode is especially helpful if you’re searching for:
- How to prepare for divorce without filing
- Emotional separation before divorce
- How to survive the holidays before divorce
- What is a silent divorce?
- How to tell your spouse you want a divorce (but not yet)
- Divorce timing strategy
- How to protect kids during separation
If you’re quietly planning your next chapter, this one is for you.
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport dive deep into the concept of the silent divorce: the unofficial, emotional separation that happens when one or both partners know the marriage is ending, but they're not ready to officially file yet.
If you're feeling emotionally checked out, unsure of timing, scared of disrupting the holidays, or stuck in a “limbo marriage,” this episode helps you understand what a silent divorce is, the signs you're in one, and most importantly : what to DO about it.
Andrea and Morgan break down two scenarios:
1️⃣ When both spouses know divorce is coming but are waiting.
2️⃣ When only one spouse knows, and the other has no idea.
You’ll hear practical guidance, emotional support, and legal strategy to help you prepare without panicking, protect your kids, and avoid major divorce mistakes.
Plus, you’ll hear hysterical QuickBooks chaos, psychic readings on Oak Street, and a glamorous side quest to the Waldorf Astoria. Classic HNTSAD energy.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✔ What a “silent divorce” actually is
How emotional withdrawal and parallel living become the early stage of divorce long before filing papers.
✔ Signs you’re in a silent divorce
– Minimal communication
– Loss of intimacy
– Roommate vibes
– Emotional loneliness
– Avoidance of conflict
– No partnership energy
✔ If both partners know divorce is coming
Do this:
- Keep things predictable
- Set temporary boundaries (separate bedrooms, shared spaces, routines)
- Treat this time as preparation, not limbo
✔ If only you know divorce is coming
Do this:
- Understand your secrecy is not deceit — it’s strategy
- Confide in only ONE trusted person
- Start preparing emotionally, financially, and legally
✔ Why timing matters (especially during the holidays)
Morgan explains why the holiday season is almost never the right moment for a divorce announcement — legally, strategically, and emotionally.
Andrea shares how to survive the “holiday performance pressure” without pretending everything is perfect.
✔ How to handle parenting when you're silently divorcing
Simple scripts, routines, and communication tips to help keep kids grounded and minimize emotional fallout.
✔ The #1 thing that reduces divorce fear: preparation
Fear = confusion
Confidence = clarity
This episode shows you how to take the first steps safely, smartly, and privately.
“A silent divorce is not a selfish move — it is a strategic move.”
“You don’t have to file today to start preparing for tomorrow.”
“Secrecy isn’t deceitful — it’s careful.”
“A silent divorce is a temporary solution, not a long-term fix.”
“Preparation reduces panic.”
Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course
Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck
Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.
Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce
Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport
Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago