1975: Softened Start-Up: Gottman’s Way to Gentle Beginnings by Dr. Kathy McMahon of Couples Therapy Inc on Communication in Relationships
Nov 25, 2023
10:42
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Dr. Kathy McMahon, clinical psychologist and therapist, discusses the importance of having gentle conversations with your partner. She emphasizes the benefits of a soft startup in fostering healthy communication, trust, and emotional connection. Learn how a gentle approach can transform complaints into productive conversations.
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Quick takeaways
A soft startup in conversations is crucial for creating and maintaining good relationships, as it sets the tone and significantly reduces destructive behaviors like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Using eye statements to express feelings and desires, focusing on specific issues, and avoiding destructive behaviors promotes empathy, understanding, and a safe space for both partners to connect and cultivate a solid and enduring relationship.
Deep dives
The Importance of Soft Startup
In intimate relationships, the first few words of a conversation or conflict can set the tone for what follows. A Gottman, Soften Startup is vital to creating and maintaining good relationships. How we start conversations dramatically affects how effectively the interaction goes. A soft startup is a gentle, non-confrontational approach to addressing concerns, expressing needs, or engaging in conversation. Partners should use eye statements to express feelings and desires, focus on the specific issue, and avoid the four destructive behaviors: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
The Power of Eye Statements and Avoiding Destructive Behaviors
Eye statements shift the focus from assigning blame to expressing feelings and wishes. They promote a climate of empathy and understanding. By avoiding destructive behaviors like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, partners can replace negativity with openness, respect, and a genuine desire to connect. Soft startup serves as an antidote to these toxic tendencies and significantly reduces the likelihood of destructive behaviors.
The Ripple Effect and Cultivating Emotional Safety
A soft startup has a ripple effect beyond the immediate interaction. It paves the way for constructive, healthy communication and fosters an environment where both partners feel safe expressing themselves and feel heard. This leads to deeper intimacy, trust, and emotional connection. By practicing soft startup, couples cultivate emotional safety, establish a culture of mutual respect, empathy, and love, creating the foundation for a solid and enduring relationship.
Dr. Kathy McMahon talks about having gentle conversations with your partner
Episode 1975: Softened Start-Up: Gottman’s Way to Gentle Beginnings by Dr. Kathy McMahon of Couples Therapy Inc on Communication in Relationships
Dr. Kathy McMahon is a clinical psychologist and therapist. She is also the founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc. Dr. K feels passionate about couples therapy and holds a deep respect towards those who invest in making their relationship better. She is currently conducting online and in person private couples retreats.
Her team of over 25 clinicians at Couples Therapy Inc. have over 600 years of combined expertise helping couples. Five are former Program Directors of Graduate Schools, or have taught at a graduate level, and all have advanced training in a science-based approach. They’re here to provide the very best online marriage counseling to couples in need across the globe.