What to Do When Your Partner Lacks Motivation

What happens when you’re motivated, driven, and actively working on personal growth—but your partner isn’t? In this episode, we explore the challenges of navigating a relationship when one partner struggles with motivation—whether due to personal crises, depression, or long-standing patterns of complacency.

We discuss why this imbalance happens, how gender differences may play a role, and what you can do when your partner isn’t taking initiative in their own life. Whether you’re dealing with a spouse who lacks direction, struggles with personal responsibility, or seems stuck in shame or avoidance, this episode offers practical insights on how to stay focused on your own growth without losing connection in your relationship.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
⏳ [01:25] – The challenge of feeling “unequally yoked” in motivation and life direction
⏳ [02:00] – Why some people struggle with self-commitment and personal responsibility
⏳ [03:15] – How men and women often respond differently to feelings of failure or loss of direction
⏳ [09:50] – The two extremes: Over-independence (“You do you, I’ll do me”) vs. Over-dependence (“I have to carry you”)
⏳ [15:20] – Healthy ways to support your partner without over-functioning or losing yourself
⏳ [19:00] – The importance of boundaries, self-care, and focusing on your own life, goals, and well-being

Key Takeaways:
✅ You can’t force your partner to change, but you can focus on yourself and set healthy boundaries.
✅ The imbalance of motivation in a relationship can create frustration, resentment, and emotional exhaustion—it’s important to name it.
✅ Avoid falling into extremes: pulling away completely or over-functioning to “fix” the problem.
✅ It’s okay to live your life fully while still caring for your partner—but without enabling their avoidance.
✅ If your partner is making an effort, even in small ways, that can be a powerful sign of commitment.

🎁 Download My Free Course: First Steps to Rebuilding Trust (link in bio)
If you’re navigating broken trust in your relationship, whether you’re the one who broke it or you’ve been deeply impacted by it, this free video course can help. 

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If you’re looking for structured guidance, support, and a clear roadmap for recovery, check out my Courageous Together Program—an online course and support system designed to help couples rebuild trust and connection. Inside, you’ll get:

✅ A structured healing roadmap
✅ Live Q&A sessions with me
✅ Exclusive video lessons and worksheets
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About Geoff Steurer:
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship educator, and coach with over 20 years of experience. I am the co-author of, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity", the host of the weekly podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and have produced workbooks, audio programs, and online courses helping couples and individuals heal from the impact of sexual betrayal, unwanted pornography use, partner betrayal trauma, and rebuilding broken trust. As a leader in the field, I am a frequent contributor on these subjects at national conferences, documentaries, blogs, magazines, and podcasts. I also write a weekly relationship advice column available on my blog. I founded and ran an outpatient sexual addiction and betrayal trauma recovery group program for over 14 years, co-founded and chaired a local conference to educate community members about harmful media, and founded and administered a specialized group therapy practice for over 10 years. I currently maintain a private counseling and coaching practice in beautiful Southern Utah where I live with my wife and children.

About Jody Steurer:
Jody has been a strong voice supporting women as co-host of the podcast “Speak Up Sister”. She completed a bachelor's degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA certified coach. She runs a small business and has years of experience in corporate training and organization. Jody’s most challenging work has been raising her four children (two of which are on the autism spectrum). She loves to do landscape design, paint in watercolor, spend time outdoors, and snow ski.

The advice offered through Geoff Steurer's podcasts is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. Although Geoff Steurer is a trained psychotherapist, he is not functioning in the role of a licensed therapist during these podcasts, but rather using his training to inform the content. Thus, the content is not intended to replace independent professional judgment. The content is not intended to solicit clients or patients, and should not be relied upon as medical or psychological advice of any kind or nature whatsoever. The information provided through the Content should not be used for diagnosing or treating a mental health problem or disease. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.

Episode 285