#1265 - Learning to Trust Your Child's Natural Development

What if the most powerful thing you can do as a parent… is let go?

Today’s episode dives into one of the most radical and relieving ideas in parenting: trusting your child’s natural development. Drawing on powerful research from McGill University, Dr Justin explores why pushing less can actually lead to more—less stress, more confidence, fewer behavioural issues, and healthier relationships. Learn how to spot the traps of controlling parenting and discover the four key ingredients to raising capable, self-motivated kids—without the pressure.

KEY POINTS

• The Research:
  A 2008 study by Landry et al. found that parents who trust their children’s natural development feel more competent, enjoy parenting more, and have children with fewer behaviour problems.
• Trust ≠ Permissive Parenting:
  It’s not about doing nothing—it’s about guiding without controlling, believing that your child has an innate drive to grow and learn.
• The Stress Trap of Controlling Parenting:
  When parents feel responsible for every part of a child’s progress, they become ego-involved. This leads to micro-managing, overstimulation, and undermines the child’s self-motivation.
• Four Core Practices of Trust-Based Parenting:
1. Explain why – Not just "because I said so"
2. Validate feelings – Acknowledge the struggle without removing limits
3. Offer real choices – Not manipulative options, but genuine autonomy
4. Minimise control – Step back from bribes, threats, and pressure
• Cultural Insight:
  Norwegian mums, with more social support, showed higher trust in natural development than Canadian mums—highlighting how systemic pressure affects parenting mindset.
• Trust Leads to Growth:
  Kids with trusting parents show better self-regulation, higher intrinsic motivation, and fewer behavioural problems. They trust their own capabilities—because their parents do.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The most radical thing you can do as a parent might be to trust your child.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Landry et al. (2008) study on trust in development
• The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson
• happyfamilies.com.au – Parenting resources and support

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

1. Stop Comparing
   Ditch the charts, milestone checklists, and other kids' timelines. Trust your child’s rhythm.
2. Pause Before You Push
   Ask: “Is this about my child—or my anxiety?”
3. Shift from Director to Facilitator
   Create opportunities, then step back and let your child take the lead.
4. Use the Four Trust Tools:
• Give reasons
• Recognise feelings
• Offer choices
• Minimise control
5. Remember the Long Game
   Development isn’t a race. If you're planting seeds, don’t keep digging them up to see if they’re growing. Just nurture, support—and trust.

 

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