The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast Episode 366: Favoritism, Family Systems, and the Work of Differentiation
Jan 19, 2026
Favoritism doesn’t just haunt families; it seeps into workplaces too. Discover how parental favoritism shapes lifelong mental health and relationships, influenced by birth order and shared values. Explore the concept of family systems and how patterns of favoritism manifest in adult life. Learn practical strategies for leadership that promote fairness, regulate anxiety, and foster connection. Uncover the importance of breaking intergenerational cycles to create healthier environments at home and work.
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Kara's Two-Generation Story
- Kara grew up believing parents were fair until she noticed younger siblings got more attention and privileges.
- As an adult her parents continued favoring other grandchildren, which she called two generations of rejection.
Perception Predicts Long-Term Impact
- Family systems theory shows patterns and emotional processes repeat across generations unless interrupted.
- Adult children's perception of favoritism predicts mental health more than marital status or employment.
Anxiety Shapes Favoritism Roles
- Bowen: anxiety is unevenly distributed in relationship systems, shaping roles like 'favorite' and 'non-favorite'.
- Favorites regulate the parent's anxiety while non-favorites activate it, creating different anxieties for each role.