273: 3 myths about self-love ... and why it matters *so much* in relationship (ft. Megan Bhatia)

Ever found yourself resentful of a relationship partner? Maybe you feel like you're always giving and never getting much in return. Perhaps you've seen her as selfish, not providing you with the respect, love, attention, or sex you need in order to feel connected.

Everyone has heard, "You can't love someone else until you love yourself," but what does loving yourself actually mean? Hint: It's not just taking bubble baths or treating yourself to fancy pastries.

Self-love is the bedrock of relationship, and it's deeply related to resentment, fulfillment, and -- perhaps unexpectedly -- parenting. It's also linked to healthy sex, dynamic dating, and honest relationships.

Whether you're currently in a romantic relationship, want to be in a relationship, or are somewhere in between, this is a critical skill to build. There are 3 myths about self-love. Can you guess what they are?

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Oh my God, I don’t even love myself, and this could be driving some of our relationship patterns."
• "It was like a low-level sadness, like something was missing in my life but I didn’t know what it was."
• "Anything I didn’t deem as a positive emotion, I didn’t make space for ... and that translated to my kids."
• "We are never the same self; you are always relating to a different self."
• "'I’ve got to work harder' is a trigger thought"
• “I need novelty.”

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From this episode:

• Megan’s podcast: Amory (amorypodcast.com)
• Megan’s mini-course on self-love (
• Our retreat, The Nature of Relating, in Costa Rica, Nov 9-14. Use code FRIENDOFMEL for $200 off (https://tinyurl.com/2p2ykrkz)

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Work with us

Ready to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good? Jason and I are ready to work with you in our flagship program, Pillars of Presence. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

More upcoming live events:

• The Heart of Shadow program run by Jason & Luke starts Sept 19th and includes a live retreat Oct 18-22. Dear Men listeners get 10% off tuition here: melaniecurtin.com/shadow