Setting Healthy Boundaries: Elicia Ybarra on Red Flags in Martial Arts (Part 1)

In Part 1 of our conversation with martial artist and empowerment self-defense instructor Elicia Ybarra, we trace how a childhood love of ninja turtles and karate turned into a 30-year journey through grooming, coercive control, and abuse in multiple martial arts settings, and how she eventually turned all of it into a curriculum to help other women fight back before it ever gets physical.

Elicia described being groomed by a trusted instructor from ages 13–16, losing her community when she tried to set boundaries, getting pulled into a second “family” TaeKwonDo organization where a grandmaster weaponized rank, money, and humiliation, and how those patterns set her up for an extremely violent relationship she barely escaped. She walked us through the turning points: postpartum depression, COVID, therapy, watching cult docs (shoutout, The Vow), quitting smoking, and finally building “Pretty Hands, Hard Punches” and an empowerment self-defense model that starts with boundaries, intuition, and situational awareness—not just throat punches and palm strikes.

Be sure to follow Elicia on her website, prettyhandshardpunches.com, or on Facebook or Instagram @prettyhandshardpunches.

Trigger warning: This episode contains frank discussion of sexual abuse, statutory rape, workplace sexism and harassment, intimate partner violence, and suicide.

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