the Learn-It-All™ podcast 196: The One Shift That Instantly Improves Every Negotiation | Stan Christensen
Negotiation isn’t about squeezing the most out of your opponent—it’s about solving problems and building relationships that last.
In this powerful episode, Damon sits down with Stan Christensen—Stanford Lecturer, former international mediator, and host of the podcast All Things Negotiation. Stan shares riveting stories from negotiating with guerrilla leaders in Colombia and mediating strikes in Chile, offering a fresh perspective: the best negotiators aren’t tactical hardballers, but creative, open-minded problem solvers. Drawing on decades of high-stakes experience and a legendary negotiation framework, Stan reveals why preparation, curiosity, and long-term thinking consistently win out over one-off tactics. Whether you’re dealing with a hostage taker, a procurement team, or your own spouse, this episode brims with real-world strategies and memorable lessons that anyone can use to get better outcomes—in their job, their family, and their life.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why most people approach negotiation the wrong way—and why it’s time to ditch tactical “win/lose” thinking
- The must-have negotiation framework from Getting to Yes—and how to actually use it
- How to prep for a salary or job negotiation using the principles of alternatives and objective criteria
- What hostage takers, procurement teams, and spouses all have in common (and how to negotiate with each)
- How culture, emotion, and relationships dramatically change negotiation dynamics—and what to do about it
- Why the most important negotiation skill is shifting from “tell” to “learn”—and the simple mindset shift that changes everything
Timestamps:
00:00 – Stan’s golden rule: “Negotiate for the 99%, not the 1%”
01:20 – Why tactics can backfire—and negotiation is rarely one-off
02:02 – How Stan became a negotiation expert (from Harvard to hostage mediation)
03:26 – Stories from negotiating with guerrilla leaders in Colombia
04:51 – Why “relationship management” is the real secret to success
05:41 – Can anyone become a great negotiator? Innate skill vs. learned ability
06:52 – Case study: Helping an underdog labor union in Chile
10:59 – Hostage takers: Why listening is the most powerful negotiation tool
12:45 – How to uncover what the other side really wants
14:00 – The 7 elements of the Stanford/Harvard negotiation framework
17:15 – Salary negotiation tips: Preparation, alternatives, and criteria
20:04 – How (not) to frame a “fairness” argument at work
21:14 – When do tactics ever work? The 1% rule and car negotiation
25:43 – What to do when you’ve “burned” someone in a negotiation
27:03 – How culture affects negotiation—stories from Mexico, Indonesia, and Mauritania
32:38 – Not everything’s negotiable: Israel/Palestine case study
34:00 – Negotiation as creative problem solving
41:43 – Dealing with emotions and pausing in heated negotiations
43:07 – Stan’s toughest deals? Family negotiations
46:37 – Mediation story: How finding one point of common ground changed everything
49:38 – The #1 negotiation skill: Check your assumptions, stay curious
52:37 – Stan’s top negotiation movies and book recommendations
53:57 – Stan’s final mindshift: How “shifting to a learning stance” changes negotiation outcomes
About Stan Christensen
Stan Christensen is a globally recognized negotiation expert, mediator, and educator. For over two decades, he has taught the acclaimed business negotiation course at Stanford University, drawing on his real-world experience as a former hostage negotiator, international mediator, and advisor to organizations and governments in 75+ countries. Stan is the host of the All Things Negotiation podcast, where he brings negotiation stories and strategies to leaders around the world.
Resources & Mentions
- Stan Christensen on LinkedIn
- All Things Negotiation Podcast
- Getting To Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury
- Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini
- Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
- Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny et al.
- 12 Angry Men—Film (Henry Fonda version)
Podcast Contact Information:
Website: www.learnit.com
Email: podcast@learnit.com
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