Savage Lovecast Episode 994

Nov 18, 2025

Listeners call in with eye-opening scenarios about dating and sex. One caller grapples with whether to disclose her neighbor's giant penis to new partners. Another seeks advice on navigating a friends-with-benefits situation as her partner moves on. A woman faces a moral dilemma with her religious teen son, needing help to encourage open conversations about sexuality. Plus, Dan consults sex researcher Ashley Bloomberg on the motivations behind sex work, distinguishing between choice and coercion in the industry.

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ADVICE

Keep Intimate Details Private

When dating new partners, disclose that you recently dated your neighbor but leave specifics about his penis out of initial conversations.
Focus on emotional reasons (low emotional IQ, not a match) to avoid provoking insecurity or disbelief.

ANECDOTE

Large Anatomy Can Be A Sexual Limitation

Dan recounts dating a man whose penis was impractically large and how it limited sexual activity.
He describes the partner as insecure about his size and unable to enjoy sex, illustrating real-world limits of extreme anatomy.

ADVICE

Plan BDSM Around Aftercare

To avoid severe sub-drop, stop intense impact play at least 24–36 hours before ending a visit and reserve final days for cuddling and recovery.
Set explicit pre-visit boundaries with your dom and prioritize aftercare routines you both agree on.

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She dated her neighbor for a while, until it became clear that she couldn’t enjoy sex with him because his giant, massive, gargantuan penis was too big for her. Now that she is starting to date other men, should she tell them the history of her friendly neighbor 5 doors down?

A woman has enjoyed friends-with-benefits relationship with a man where all they do is cuddle and have sex. No outings with friends. No movies. No hikes. Now that he is beginning to get serious with another woman, can they maintain this friendship *without* the benefits?

On the Magnum, a very miserable woman considers doing sex work after applying for hundreds of jobs with no results. Dan brings on Ashley Bloomberg- a sex researcher who recently published a paper on the reasons sex workers in Las Vegas pursued their careers. The difference between doing sex work under duress vs. doing sex work out of genuine desire is stark.

And, it’s the nightmare scenario: A queer, polyamorous woman dating a trans woman has a 14 year-old son who has gone full conservative Christian on her. The lad thinks that sex outside of marriage is an unforgivable sin. What is going on with him, and how can the caller bring him to a more kind and reasonable mindset?

Call with your questions, or you will be banished to the lake of fire.

Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064

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Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From bondage to bisexuality, cuckolding to crossdressing and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage is a cultural force for sex positivity, when we most need it.