It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Red Flags in Adult Relationships: Understanding Relationship Violence, Part 1

Feb 8, 2024

Exploring red flags in adult relationships, the podcast dives into personality disorders linked to domestic violence, spotting early warning signs, coercive control tactics, impulse control problems, and avoiding relationship blind spots.

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Introduction

00:00 • 5min

Navigating Red Flags in Adult Relationships

04:37 • 23min

Addressing Domestic Violence in Professional Settings

27:39 • 4min

Improving Empathy and Absent Presence in Therapy and Mediation

31:46 • 2min

Recognizing Signs of Coercive Control in Relationships

33:49 • 6min

Reflections on Relationship Violence and Self-Worth

39:49 • 2min

Bill and Megan explore the complex issue of relationship violence, focusing on factors that may predict aggressive behaviors and how to identify potentially abusive relationships. In this first part of a two-part discussion, they examine relationship violence through the lens of adult intimate partner relationships. The second part will focus specifically on teen dating violence. Bill and Megan provide research-informed insights to help us understand the roots of relationship violence and identify unhealthy patterns early on.

Questions we answer in this episode:

What personality disorders or traits are associated with an increased risk for domestic violence?
How can you spot early warning signs of a potentially abusive partner?
What is coercive control and how does it relate to domestic violence?
What happens in the brain when someone lacks impulse control?
How can we avoid “jamming our own radar” in relationships?

Key Takeaways:

Not everyone with a personality disorder will become abusive, but certain disorders like antisocial and borderline PD are risk factors.
Pay attention to charm, immediate strong attachment, and “love bombing” as possible red flags when dating.
Coercive control refers to non-physical ways an abuser maintains power, like isolation, verbal threats, financial control.
Impulse control problems may stem from an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex or traumatic childhood experiences.
Going through personal crises or having unrealistic relationship expectations can blind us to warning signs.

In part one of this vital two-part discussion, Bill and Megan provide research-informed insights to help us understand the roots of relationship violence and identify unhealthy patterns early on. Tune in to gain knowledge that could help you or someone you care about build healthy, safe relationships.

Links & Other Notes

BOOKS
- Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to “The One” Who Will Make Your Life Hell
  - available in paperback, audio, and e-book anywhere books are sold. Here are a few places you can get it.
  - Get it on High Conflict Institute site
  - On Amazon US
  - On Amazon Australia
  - On Amazon Canada
DATING RADAR SURVEY RESULTS
- Read results from entire survey here (scroll and click on “Read Dating Radar Survey Results”)
HOTLINE
- US Domestic Violence Hotline
- US Hotline #: 800-799-7233
ARTICLES
COURSES
- Conversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 Experts
- Mediation in Domestic Violence Cases
LIVE LAB
- Live Lab: 1:1 coaching sessions to learn to use BIFF Responses, EAR Statements, and to set limits
Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:35) - Relationship Violence Part 1: Adults
(02:50) - Survey Results
(08:19) - What Jams Our Radar?
(14:00) - Impulse Control
(19:48) - Factors in Violent Tendencies
(29:07) - Domestic Violence in Family Law
(34:01) - How Do You Know You’re in a Domestic Violence Relationship?
(35:57) - Coercive Controlling Violence
(40:01) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Relationship Violence Part 2: Teens

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