How to Talk to Kids about Adoption, Foster Care and Attachment with Allison Davis Maxon, LMFT
Feb 8, 2023
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The podcast features Allison Davis Maxon, an expert in adoption and attachment. She discusses the core issues in adoption, including grief, identity, intimacy, and control. She emphasizes the importance of validating feelings and acknowledging loss for adopted children. Additionally, she talks about finding support through parenting groups and provides resources for adoption and permanency. The host encourages engagement and reassures listeners that parenting is a continuous learning process.
Adoption involves complex emotions and losses for all individuals in the adoption triad.
Openness, honesty, and support groups are crucial in addressing the core issues surrounding adoption.
Challenging stereotypes and embracing openness and truth-telling promote a more inclusive understanding of adoption.
Deep dives
Understanding the Complexities of Adoption
Adoption is a multifaceted experience that involves various perspectives and emotions. It is important to recognize and acknowledge the losses experienced by all individuals in the adoption triad - the adoptee, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents. Adoption is not all sunshine and happiness, but it does provide an opportunity for children to find permanency and build loving relationships. Parents should join support groups to get the help and understanding they need, as parenting an adopted child comes with its own set of challenges. Openness and truth-telling are crucial in addressing the core issues surrounding adoption, including loss, grief, rejection, and identity. By creating a safe space for children to express their feelings and ask adoption-related questions, parents can support their emotional well-being and help them navigate the complexities of adoption.
The Core Issues of Adoption
Adoption involves several core issues that individuals within the adoption triad must grapple with. These core issues include loss, rejection, shame, grief, identity, intimacy, and control. It is important for parents to acknowledge and validate the feelings associated with these issues rather than dismissing or trying to explain them away. Creating two jars - a "loss" jar and an "adoption questions" jar - can be a helpful tool for both parents and children to recognize and process these complex emotions. Openness, honesty, and support groups can provide parents and children with the resources and understanding they need to navigate these core issues.
The Importance of Parental Support
Parents of adopted children should seek the support and understanding of their peers in similar situations. Joining adoptive parent support groups allows parents to vent, share experiences, and find solace in the fact that they are not alone. It is vital for parents to take care of their own well-being, as children thrive when their parents are well-supported and emotionally balanced. By accessing the support they need, parents can better navigate the challenges and complexities of adopting and parenting children with significant histories of trauma and loss.
Addressing Adoption Stereotypes
Adoption is often met with stereotypes and misperceptions, leading to misconceptions about birth parents and adoptive parents. It is important to challenge and dispel these stereotypes to create a more accurate understanding of adoption. Birth parents should not be vilified or judged, as they often make courageous choices in the best interest of their child. Adoptive parents should acknowledge their own core issues related to infertility or genetic connection to help provide their child with a supportive and understanding environment. By addressing these stereotypes, society can create a more accepting and inclusive view of adoption.
Promoting Openness and Truth-Telling
Openness and truth-telling are essential in adoption conversations. Parents should encourage children to express their feelings, ask questions, and discuss their adoption stories openly. It is crucial to speak honestly about the child's birth parents, the circumstances surrounding their adoption, and their genetic identity. By providing children with accurate and truthful information from a young age, parents can help them develop a healthy understanding of adoption, their roots, and their identity.
This podcast will talk about how many people have the wrong idea about adoption and kids. Adoption is nuanced and those involved in adoption are human! Experts in adoption have found that children, adoptive parents and birth parents may grapple with seven different core issues in adoption and permanency. Let’s discuss them today and find out how to talk about them with our children and teens.
