Bontle Senne, an AuDHD speaker and sex coach, and Sara-Louise Ackrill, a neurodiversity specialist and therapist, dive into the complexities of relationships in the neurodivergent community. They discuss the importance of authentic connection, ‘parallel play,’ and unmasking in relationships. The duo debunks myths surrounding neurodiversity, shedding light on unique terms like 'clitmatized' and 'digmatized.' They explore the challenges of intimacy and the need for open communication, emphasizing that understanding personal needs is key to fostering deeper connections.
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insights INSIGHT
Why Neurodivergents Date
Many neurodivergent people date without consciously questioning why they want a relationship.
Reflecting on personal reasons to connect helps define authentic relationship goals.
insights INSIGHT
Harmful Romance Stereotypes
Media portrayals of romantic relationships often promote toxic dynamics as normal or desirable.
Neurodivergent people struggle with masking by trying to emulate these unrealistic models.
insights INSIGHT
Parallel Play as ND Love Language
Neurodivergent people often engage in "parallel play," spending time together but doing different activities.
This helps maintain connection without the stress of constant interaction or unstructured conversation.
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During this episode, with authors Bontle Senne and Sara-Louise Ackrill we talk about their new book "The ND Lovers Club-How Women Lust, Like and Love" and I hope all of you will buy this book today!
Bontle is an AuDHD speaker, sex and ADHD coach and global transformation leader. Sara-Louise is a renowned neurodiversity specialist therapist and coach, professional speaker, and social entrepreneur. Together, they share so much valuable information that we all need to understand if we are ND women, or want to build a relationship with an ND woman. Some of the topics we address in this very candid conversation include:
Why do you want to be in a relationship and how do you want to show-up?
Unmasking before or during a relationship.
Learning to relax and do things alongside someone.
Parallel play or being “alone together”.
The challenge of taking things personally when you don’t understand each others needs.
What to do during unstructured time.
Debunking damaging myths.
We need more visibility on all the issues that people across the spectrum experience.
What does it mean to be clitmatized, dickmatized or to have “emotional support dick”.
Using sex as a substitute to get something else.
Sex may be used to avoid eye contact, conflict, the effort of getting to know someone, and small talk.
Understand what you each define as sexual and explore whether sex is “responsive or spontaneous” for each of you.
You don’t have to minimize your discomfort and assume that you’re not the problem.
Understand your sexual story and the messages you got as a kid and share this information with your partner so you can understand each other better.
May want to write down or share your fantasies with your partner, even if you may never explore them.
Understand more about what it means to be asexual, aromantic, demisexual, bisexual, and what sexiness means to you and your partner.
Trauma may impact your sexual interests or preferences.
Embrace your imagination about what is possible in your relationship.
You can learn more about the book, Bontle and Sarah here or check them out on LinkedIn
To learn more about the Neurodiverse Love Documentary or to see the trailer for the film click here. If you would like to learn more about the other resources Mona offers check out the links below:
Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay 