Nir And Far: Business, Behaviour and the Brain

Score Your Spats: How to Stop Arguing and Enhance Your Relationships - Nir And Far

Feb 5, 2024

13:55

Snipd AI

Nir And Far, Author of the Nir And Far blog, discusses how to stop arguing and enhance relationships using the 'Score Your Spats' technique. They introduce the 'one to ten question' technique, which involves asking the other person to rate the importance of the issue on a scale of one to ten. They also explore the effectiveness and potential misuse of this technique in resolving disputes and enhancing relationships, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect, introspection, and validation in fostering lasting connections.

AI Summary

Highlights

AI Chapters

Episode notes

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

The 'one to ten question' method helps avoid unnecessary disagreements in relationships by quantifying the importance of issues on a scale of one to ten.

The 'one to ten question' technique fosters clarity, validates emotions, and strengthens relationships by promoting mutual respect and understanding.

Deep dives

Using the One to Ten Question Technique

The podcast episode discusses a technique called the "one to ten question" that helps enhance relationships by determining the importance of various disagreements. By asking how important an issue is on a scale of one to ten, individuals can avoid unnecessary conflicts and focus on the key matters. This technique mitigates projection bias, where people assume others perceive situations the same as they do. It promotes clarity and understanding by quantifying feelings and preferences. The podcast provides an example of a couple discussing the color of a couch and how assigning importance levels facilitates constructive resolutions. The technique proves effective in long-term relationships and fosters mutual respect and understanding.

The One to Ten Rule for Relationship Building

01:40

Introduction

2min

Resolving Disagreements and Enhancing Relationships with the One to Ten Question

5min

Using the One to Ten Question to Enhance Relationships

4min

Understanding Mindsets in Relationships

3min

Whenever you have a disagreement with someone you care about and who cares about you, pose this straightforward question:

“How important is this to you on a scale of 1 to 10?”

The size of the disagreement doesn’t matter. Whether it’s about dinner choices or naming your first-born child, this method helps avoid unnecessary disagreements and keeps relationships strong (most of the time, see exceptions below).

You can read the Nir And Far blog post on: Score Your Spats: How to Stop Arguing and Enhance Your Relationships https://www.nirandfar.com/how-to-stop-arguing/

Nir And Far, a podcast about business, behaviour and the brain by Nir Eyal. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe on iTunes and leave an iTunes review. It will greatly help new listeners discover the show. Please visit my website Nir and Far for other info about my writing, books and teaching: http://www.nirandfar.com/

--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nirandfar/support

Get the Snipd
podcast app

Unlock the knowledge in podcasts with the podcast player of the future.

AI-powered
podcast player

Listen to all your favourite podcasts with AI-powered features

Discover
highlights

Listen to the best highlights from the podcasts you love and dive into the full episode

Save any
moment

Hear something you like? Tap your headphones to save it with AI-generated key takeaways

Share
& Export