"Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It" by Jennifer Breheny Wallace
Oct 27, 2023
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Jennifer Breheny Wallace, author of the definitive book on toxic achievement culture, discusses the impact on mental health and importance of self-care in parenting. She emphasizes the significance of mattering for youth mental health and the importance of recognizing value and prioritizing well-being in parenting. Wallace also highlights the power of deep and supportive relationships for fostering interdependence and a sense of mattering.
Mattering is a crucial concept for protecting youth mental health, reassuring them that simply being themselves is enough, regardless of external pressures.
Parents play a crucial role in fostering mattering in their children by ensuring unconditional love and prioritizing their own psychological health to better attune to their children's emotional cues.
Deep dives
The Importance of Mattering for Youth Mental Health
In this podcast episode, Jennifer Brihany Wallace discusses the concept of mattering and its impact on youth mental health. Mattering refers to the personal belief that we are valued for who we are, away from external achievements. Research has found that people who feel valued and are dependent on to add meaningful value to others are more likely to thrive in adolescence and adulthood. However, today we are facing a mattering deficit, which negatively affects youth mental health. Mattering offers a framework for protecting youth mental health by meeting their deep universal need to feel seen, cared for, and valued by those around them. It reassures them that simply being themselves is enough, regardless of external pressures.
The Role of Parents in Fostering Mattering
Parents play a crucial role in fostering mattering in their children. They must ensure that their love is unconditional and that their children realize their value is never in question, regardless of external achievements. Psychologists suggest that the best thing parents can do to help struggling children is to prioritize their own psychological health and build strong, reliable sources of support. By doing so, parents can better attune to their children's emotional cues and avoid unintentionally conveying a feeling of not mattering. A parent's resilience rests on their relationships, which act as a buffer against daily stress. Thus, it is vital for parents to prioritize deepening their friendships and fostering interdependence in their children.
The Impact of Mattering on Society
Mattering is not only crucial for individual well-being but also for society as a whole. Many people today question their value and importance, leading to hyper-competition, lack of civility, and anger. However, if individuals and communities can make people feel like they truly and deeply matter, the world would be a different place. It requires courage to reassure others of their mattering and to insist on their inherent value. By actively fostering mattering and reminding others of their worth, individuals can create a more compassionate and supportive society.
Today, we hear from Jennifer Breheny Wallace, author of the definitive book on the rise of toxic achievement culture that is overtaking our kids' and parents' lives. She offers a new framework for fighting back.
• We'll be hosting a live event with Jennifer in New York City on November 1st. Click here to learn more.