Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

#443 Love Shouldn’t Erase You: How to Stop Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Mar 3, 2025

Join Dr. Morgan Cope, a relationship scientist and psychology professor, as she dives into why many lose themselves in romantic partnerships. The conversation uncovers the science behind intertwined identities and the struggle of maintaining individuality. Explore how breakups can trigger identity crises and affect mental and physical well-being. Discover practical strategies for rebounding and self-discovery, ultimately leading to personal growth and healthier relationships.

56:35

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Episode guests

Dr. Morgan Cope

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Episode notes

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Quick takeaways

Relationships can significantly fuse our identities, but their end often triggers an identity crisis that requires personal reassessment.

Attachment styles greatly influence how individuals react in relationships and can affect their response to breakups and loneliness.

Breakups offer a unique chance for self-expansion, allowing individuals to rediscover their identities and nurture personal growth beyond romantic ties.

Deep dives

The Impact of Relationships on Identity

Relationships play a crucial role in shaping our identities, significantly impacting how we perceive ourselves over time. When individuals enter a romantic relationship, their sense of self often expands as they incorporate traits and preferences from their partner, leading to a shared identity represented as overlapping circles. This process enhances feelings of togetherness and diminishes the feeling of being alone, allowing individuals to form a united front that promotes relationship cohesion. However, when these relationships end, people may experience a profound identity crisis, as they struggle to understand who they are without their partner and must face the complexities of adapting to life alone.

Intro

3min

Navigating Identity and Relationships

19min

The Multifaceted Effects of Breakups on Well-being

4min

Finding Yourself Post-Breakup

22min

Awareness and Reflection in Relationships

3min

Embracing Growth Through Adversity

4min

Navigating Personal Evolution and Breakups Beyond Romance

2min

Ever felt like you completely lost yourself in a relationship?

Like one day you woke up and thought, Wait… who even am I anymore? If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and, spoiler alert, it’s not just in your head. There’s real science behind why we fuse our identities with our partners and why breakups can feel like more than just heartbreak—they can feel like an identity crisis.

In this eye-opening conversation, I sit down with relationship scientist Dr. Morgan Cope to break down the psychology behind losing yourself in a relationship, why it happens, and most importantly—how to rebuild your identity after love. Whether you're freshly single, in a relationship that feels too enmeshed, or just curious about how relationships shape our sense of self, this episode is packed with insights, humor, and practical strategies to help you come back to YOU.

Timestamps:

00:00 - Is Losing Yourself in a Relationship a Real Thing?

00:35 - Meet Dr. Morgan Cope & Her Research on Relationships & Identity

01:00 Understanding Identity in Relationships

03:07 - Attachment Styles and Identity

07:30 - Impact of Breakups on Identity

24:42 - Mental and Physical Effects of Breakups

30:27 - Fear of Being Single

32:02 - Changing the Environment vs Changing Yourself

36:56 - Rebounding and Self-Expansion

39:14 - Identity and Values Assessment

44:11 - Cult Psychology and Group Identity

51:21 - Personal Growth Through Relationship Challenges

Feeling lost after a breakup? I know how hard it can be to find yourself again, so I created something to help you out on your healing journey. Check out my FREE Breakup Recovery Quiz to get personalized insights on where you are in your healing journey & how to move forward so you can begin to feel like yourself again.

And if you’d like to keep this conversation going, I’d love to hear from you! You can find me on YouTube or Instagram. Every week, I drop a new podcast episode dedicated to your personal growth and healing so you can create love, happiness, and success in your life. I hope to see you there!

Xoxo

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

www.growingself.com

P.S. Know someone who might need to hear this? Share this video with a friend who’s struggling in their relationship or going through a tough breakup. 💕

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