Jean & Alex Part 3 of 3: When You Want to Get Unstuck

It's not unusual to feel stuck or trapped as a parent. Having options is the antidote to that feeling. You have options for how you think, how you behave, how you deal with emotions. And those options put you in the drivers seat…you get to see and feel the choices you have and you get to choose! This episode is the third and final episode with Jean and Alex who are dealing with their 6 year old daughter’s big emotions. We focus on how to change your mindset and review several coping strategies to help your child. 

Time Stamps

3: 22 Naming the skill - dialectic dilemmas and dialectic synthesis 

4:20 The dialectic dilemma is between the child’s needs and the parent’s needs.

5:15 Having options is a necessary element in our mental health - Noticing your “choices”

7:10 Helping parents helps our children:  realizing that your mood impacts your child’s mood

11:50 GIve your child (or anyone) permission to actually have the big emotions

13:20 Main dialectic dilemma between Acceptance and Change

• Acceptance often is needed first - it’s more effective to accept the moment before you try to change what’s happening
• First thing to do: Acknowledge the big emotion. 
• Then move onto solving the problem

20:25 A description of three states of mind (illustration of states of mind in show notes)

22: 50 Take your time teaching these skills to your child:  repeat it, use different metaphors, say it differently, use different examples

25:00 Skills to use to move your child from emotion mind to wise mind

• Acknowledge that your child is in emotion mind: Name it
• Rate it
• Distraction
• Flexible thinking - dialectic thinking with the magic AND
• Ice pack across your eyes, or face plant into a bowl of cold water
• Breathing Exercises (see Link to handout below)
• Puzzles, activities

25:44 Explaining how to move from the sympathetic nervous system to the parasympathetic nervous system to help us regulate

31:41 Do you feel different? Is the helpful question

34:32 weave the DBT skills and emotional regulation language into your everyday language.

36:13 Exposure work can be done as gentle exercises to help your child with uncomfortable situations

• Start easy and work you way up to harder situations 
• Mantra:  I’m scared and I can do it anyway
• STAY present
• Have faith that your child can do it

The goal is not to avoid the problem, the goal is to be reduce your emotion and return to the problem

Resources:  

NEABPD free Webinar presented by Leslie Cohen-Rubury titled “Defiance, Disrespect and Disobedience: What it is and What to do about it.” Click here to register

Handout on Mindfulness Breathing Exercises 

Video on three states of mind 

Leslie-ism: When you feel stuck, look for the options (I promise you they are there)

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcas