Eps 177: Casey is Solo talking about how we influence the iceberg

Mar 5, 2019

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How we influence the iceberg

Clients come to me to talk about kids behavior

The iceberg- behavior we see is a solution to a problem that we may or may not know about

Example that we played with a few weeks ago in parenting class:

Child won’t get ready to go in the morning and family is late getting out the door

Go to the source

Tell me about the mornings…. I notice that…. How are you feeling…..
With new information you can make a plan together to support the child (and you)n in doing better

Transparency

Rowan talking about the future
Agitated, closed off, defensive
Often my response is irritated that she cant “have” the convo
We both are discouraged and the convo is over
Maybe I am engaging the wrong conversation
Helpful to know what shows up for her when the invitation is to talk about future
What is the experience?
IS it only with me or others?
Might there be a benefit to talking with someone else if not me?
What would be useful about having a vision of the future?
Deeper even still
I notice when this is the conversation you….. I am curious about that? How does it feel when…..?

Sometimes our kids refuse to go there….

How do we let go?
What do they need?
Recognizing/acknowledging our tendency to hold on/get rigid/ let fear or our agenda drive us….
Mutual respect – respect for child and for self and the situation
Honor who they are and their temperament
I am ALL IN, lets go deep and swirl around and grow and learn and be super transparent and get it all out – don’t hold back. I process out loud and in the moment…. This is not the way of everyone, def not my daughter.

Summing it up:

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