Let's Fund a Virtual Food Pantry!

That supports marginalized folks in eating disorder recovery. Elizabeth Ayiku is getting groceries and needs Burnt Toast's help.

You are listening to Burnt Toast! Today, my guest is Elizabeth Ayiku.

Elizabeth is a food justice organizer and founder of the Me Little Me Foundation, a nonprofit committed to advancing food equity and providing free, culturally competent support services for marginalized communities. Based in Los Angeles, Elizabeth works to dismantle the systemic barriers that affect mental health and wellbeing, emphasizing the importance of meeting basic needs first.

Elizabeth’s foundation draws its name from her debut feature film Me Little Me. The Me Little Me Foundation offers a free virtual food pantry for folks in need—with a focus on helping people with multiple marginalized identities, folks of color and folks in eating disorder recovery.

And Burnt Toast, we have a challenge for you!

We want to raise $6,000 to support the Me Little Me Foundation.

Burnt Toast will match every dollar we raise, up to another $6000, by June 1. You’re going to hear more from Elizabeth in this episode about why this work is so important. Please share this episode widely, and donate if you can!

Today’s episode is free but if you value this conversation, please consider supporting our work with a paid subscription. Burnt Toast is 100% reader- and listener-supported. We literally can’t do this without you.

Episode 192 Transcript

Elizabeth

So I was born in the prairies of Canada to a Caribbean mother and West African father. I’m currently Los Angeles based. And I’m a filmmaker, a food justice organizer and a nonprofit founder.

Virginia

That is a lot of very hard jobs that you have! You sound extremely busy.

Elizabeth

I am. It’s a lot.

Virginia

Well, we’ll start with the film, because that’s how we first got connected, when you were looking for sponsors for your really incredible film called Me Little Me. It came out in 2022, and it is available to stream on Amazon Prime and Apple TV.

You were working on this for quite a long time. It was a the labor of love project for sure.

Elizabeth

Oh my goodness, 100 percent. It’s based on my own lived experience. So, in 2009 I went to treatment for eating disorder recovery. I went to IOP—an intensive outpatient program—and I was also working full time while I did it.

Being in eating disorder treatment became this kind of double life, and this big secret I had to hide. Because life couldn’t stop, you know? And I guess that’s something that I just never saw portrayed in any mainstream media, film, TV. It was always the person checked into inpatient. They had unlimited resources.

Virginia

Thousands and thousands of dollars per day for treatment.

Elizabeth

And no mention of where this money was coming from. It was just this really nicely packaged perception of what recovery is. And I was just waiting and waiting to see something that had any semblance of what I’d gone through. And I just couldn’t wait anymore! One day, I was like, “Okay, they’re not doing it. I’m going to have to be the one to make it.” And that’s what I did.

Like you said, it was a labor of love. This is an indie film, 100 percent. We didn’t have a studio backing us or anything like that. I just literally went to as many organizations as I could, and was like, “Look, I’m trying to make this. Can we have some money?” And it took a long time.

We started shooting maybe the end of 2018 and 2019, before the pandemic. We started shooting principal photography, just getting the shots in. We ran out of money multiple times. There were so many challenges. So when I reached out to you, I was looking for finishing funds.

I took a shot and submitted to South by Southwest as my work in progress. That means the sound wasn’t done, the color wasn’t finalized. It was 2021, by this time. And I was like, “You know what? I’m just going to shoot my shot and say I did it.” I was 100 percent sure nothing was going to come of it. But just to say that I did it. So end of 2021 I submitted and January 2022 is when they told me we were accepted. Still, I have to remind myself—I’m like, Oh my gosh, that happened.

Virginia

Yeah, you did it! You did the thing.

Elizabeth

I did the thing! And then there were a whole bunch of other expenses that came with that. They needed a digital cinema package as a way to show the movie professionally, which was like a minimum $1500+. Plus, it still wasn’t finished. So I just needed someone to do a quick color and sound pass. Because, my God, I couldn’t just show the the work in progress. So we just did a quick, rough color and sound pass. And I had to hire someone to do that.

I was grasping at straws. So when I reached out to you, I was just like, “This is what’s happening. This is what the my need is. Any help would be so so appreciated,” and you were like, absolutely, let’s do this.

Virginia

The story really resonated with me. As a journalist who’s written about eating disorder recovery for two decades now, I’m very aware of that mainstream narrative that you were talking about and just how many people it doesn’t represent. There is this whole eating disorder industrial complex that’s built to sell a certain kind of recovery and center a certain thin, white girl narrative.

And it just perpetually frustrates me, because everybody I know, whether personally in my own life, or people I’ve interviewed for work who has gone through recovery, is like, “Yeah, it doesn’t look anything like that.”

Elizabeth

Nope. Not even a little bit.

Virginia

And we’re doing such a disservice to people! So the fact that you were going to tell this much more complex story, centering a Black woman—I was like, yes, thank you so much.

Elizabeth

What you described is what I was up against, just this, all of those things. Trying to sell that story to the public, and if that’s all people are offered, that’s that’s what they think the reality is.

Virginia

And then that just pushes recovery so much further out of reach for people who wouldn’t have access to that kind of treatment. Meaning the expensive inpatient treatment options, which also aren’t even necessarily the best treatment! It doesn’t work for everybody! Okay. We could have a whole other show about that.

Elizabeth

We really could.

Virginia

The point is, the film’s incredible. It’s out. I want everyone to go stream it now that they can.

And what we really want to talk about today is how working on that film then led you to launch the Me Little Me Foundation.

Elizabeth

While I was working on finishing the film, it was the middle of the pandemic. It was a hard time. The racial uprisings were happening all around us, and almost everyone I knew was traumatized by the world they were witnessing. And that combination — There was so much need, and people in my community and people I didn’t know, people online were like. “I need resources, I need assistance, but I don’t know where to turn.” It was too much to just ignore, you know?

So that the subject matter of the film, plus the world that was happening at the time—I just knew there needed to be something in place that was different than the current resources out there.

So I came up with the idea for a virtual food pantry where folks are approved up to a certain amount. They make a list of what they need. I shop for them online from a local grocery store that offers delivery, and the groceries are shipped to them for free.

So you don’t need to have a vehicle, you don’t need to live in the correct zip code to get to the food pantry—because that’s a thing. And you also get to choose how you want to nourish yourself, because that was important to me, too. Because there’s dignity in being able to choose.

Virginia

Yes, and not just being handed a bag of food like, “This is what you get.”

Elizabeth

Yeah. “Be grateful, now move along.”

So I wanted to help with the trauma, and the lack of resources. Cultural needs aren’t taken into account at any food pantry I’ve ever used. I’ve been to so many pantries in my life, and it’s a lot of white foods. Like, I don’t know how else to describe them.

And when you’re having mental health issues because of trauma, because of the world around us, for whatever reason, just because you’re struggling to make it, your cultural foods can be so comforting. They can just be so so comforting, and just what you need. And I just wanted to take that into consideration. So that’s why I set it up the way I did, where folks tell me what they need, and that’s what they get.

Virginia

There’s such dignity in that, and empowerment for people. I think about the power of choice all the time, even just at the level of feeding my own kids. The idea that I would know what someone else needs to eat on any given day seems wild? I don’t know what you’re hungry for! I don’t know what what you need right now. You know what you need right now. The fact that so many of our aid systems are not set up to honor that is a huge problem. So I love that you built that into into how you’re doing this.

You’re focusing on folks of color who need assistance, and you’re also focusing on folks in eating disorder recovery.

Elizabeth

Yeah, so basically folks who hold multiple marginalized identities are really who we serve the most. That’s just how it honestly just started happening because of the people I’m connected with onlin,e and the places I was advertising this pantry.

So many folks in recovery struggle with food security. Because the recovery models we were talking about earlier really emphasize “You need to always have food available.” You need to have snacks. So Recovery has been hard for them because that. Recovery has been hard for me because of that. I don’t always have a cupboard full of snacks and multiple choices even though that’s something in recovery that we’re told to do. I’m laughing because they say, “Just make sure you fill your pantry.” Like everyone has a pantry! They’re like, “fill your pantry with all the food you can.”

Virginia

First, we need to get a pantry.

Elizabeth

Number one.

Virginia

When does that get delivered?

Elizabeth

Exactly! So there are so many people in the recovery community telling us, “Oh my goodness, this is what I needed. Like, thank you so much. It’s impossible to keep myself nourished without this assistance, this has been amazing.”

Coming from that world, I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. It’s beyond hard to recover in this world we’re living in without assistance. So maybe 65 percent of who we serve are actively in recovery or currently have an eating disorder.

And there is also a large population of folks with disabilities. People who are mobility impaired, or even young people and youth who don’t have a car to get somewhere. There are so many folks with multiple marginalized identities who rely on us. It’s beyond what I even thought.

Virginia

Are you focusing on a particular geographic area?

Elizabeth

Good question. It’s nationwide. Because it’s virtual—that’s another thing I wanted to not be a barrier. If you can apply online, if you have access to computer at work—I’m trying for accessibility purposes to have another way to apply as well, but as of now, you apply online, and you can be anywhere. As long as you live somewhere that has a local grocery store that delivers, then you can use our services.

Virginia

That’s really, really great.

So as you’re working in this food justice space… what you’re doing is meeting an immediate critical need. People need to eat today. People are working on their recovery, they need access to food. And the reason this need is so dire is because of many larger structural failings in our systems. So how do you think about like, “Okay, I’m trying to put out this immediate fire. But we need so much larger change as well.”

How do you kind of hold that together?

Elizabeth

Sometimes it does make me sad, because I’m like, “Oh, is this just a band aid for something systemic.” But I believe that what we’re doing can eventually be just the way folks are given the resources they need. It doesn’t need to be what we’ve always had. Why can’t you just pick? Why does it have to be food that might not be good anymore? Expiring, not fresh, food that’s offered? Why is that the only thing that we’re saying is acceptable?

So I’m really trying to get the word out that, hey, we’re doing something that’s working. And yes, it’s for folks who are facing food insecurity now but you know, all these organizations that have these elaborate setups where they’re pre-boxing things, you can do it a different way.

Virginia

So you’re creating a new model that hopefully other organizations will replicate.

Elizabeth

Absolutely.

Virginia

As your organization continues to grow, this is something you can scale up, because of the way you’ve designed it. You’re helping connect people to their local grocery store. This isn’t you needing to build some whole infrastructure of warehouses, right?

Elizabeth

Exactly. That’s eliminated. We don’t have to pay rents to store a bunch of boxed items. I don’t think people are looking at things like that with the current systems that are in place.

Virginia

And obviously, it would be amazing if programs like SNAP and welfare were providing more resources for folks. But given the current political climate, we’re going to be lucky to hold onto any social safety net we have left.

Elizabeth

Like, any. And that’s the same how I was saying earlier. Like, middle of pandemic, people were just so traumatized. People were just kind of numb. And like, “I don’t know what to do, I need food to eat, though.” I’m seeing it now again, like this year the same. I’m like, whoa. This is history repeating.

Virginia

I think people are feeling a lot of the same panic, embarrassment, and uncertainty about what’s happening next. Everything is feeling extremely unstable.

Elizabeth

Absolutely.

Virginia

So making sure people have a way to feed themselves today—it’s something we can do. There is all this bigger change that needs to happen, and we can contribute to that however we can. But this kind of direct aid to people getting fed today is something that we can do, and really is crucial right now. We can’t do the rest if people aren’t eating. This is the starting point.

I mean, I’ve worked on pieces about childhood hunger over the years, and I know you’re focusing more on adults, but it blows my mind how often organizations that work on hunger have to show research to convince people that kids can’t learn if they’re hungry. And it’s just like, why did we need to have to do a study? Why did you need data?

Elizabeth

Yes, they need to see the numbers. It’s fascinating to me. When I tell folks stuff based on my lived experience of going to pantries, not having enough, or not having access in the area. They’re like, “Oh, okay, we just need you to type that all up, and we need to see where you got that data.” And I’m just like…where I got that data? From my life! And so many people I know! That blows my mind, the amount of data folks are requesting when it comes to food insecurity.

Virginia

We shouldn’t have to explain it or justify it. It should just be obvious that people need enough food to eat. That’s the baseline.

So Burnt Toast, we have a mission!

Our goal is to raise $6,000 by June 1 for the Me Little Me Foundation to support the virtual free food pantry project.

When we reach that $6,000 goal, Burnt Toast (the newsletter and podcast) will match that with another $6,000. So we have a chance to raise $12,000 for Me Little Me to help them make a big push on this work.

Elizabeth, tell us a little bit about what those funds will mean for your organization. What are we going to help you do? And then, of course, what do folks need to do to donate?

Elizabeth

Oh, my goodness. It would just help us so immensely. Just to break it down:

$100 worth of groceries means folks can make a minimum of 20 home cooked meals. So if we raise $6,000 that’s literally 1200 home cooked meals that we could provide.

Virginia

That’s awesome.

Elizabeth

It would help us so much, because we always have more applications than the resources. It’s crushing. Applications will be open for 24 hours and we have to shut them down because we’re just so overwhelmed. And say, “I’m so sorry. Please try back next quarter.” I’m trying to raise more money. I’m not going to let you all down.

So it would help us immensely. I’m trying to play it cool. This is my cool and collected voice, but I’m sort of squealing inside.

Virginia

Well, I think what you’re doing is so important. And we have over 65,000 people on the Burnt Toast list! This is not a big ask for anyone. A few bucks will cover one of these meals that we’re trying to raise money for. If you have 100 bucks, great! That’s 20 meals you’ve covered.

This is the kind of community effort that is giving me hope right now, that’s making me feel like the entire world’s not falling off a cliff. We can get this done. And I think actually, we can exceed this goal.

The second piece of our challenge is: If you’re able, please become a monthly donor!

Whether that’s $5 a month or $100 a month—which would buy 20 meals a month! Do it!

We are setting a goal to add 25 new recurring donors to the Me Little Me rosters. Burnt Toast is already a recurring donor, but we want 25 of you to sign up to be a recurring donors, too. So take whatever gift you were going to give and divide it by 12; break it up monthly and donate that. Because recurring donations are really critical to organizations like this. Elizabeth, you can speak a little bit to why that matters so much.

Elizabeth

Because the need is ongoing. We’re inundated every time we open the pantry, and the recurring donations will help us reach our ultimate goal of being able to see real systemic change and have this just be something that’s in place. So of course, yes, please if you’re able to just give a few dollars we would love that. But if you can support us on a monthly basis in any capacity, it’ll just be such a big weight off of the shoulders of so many folks who rely on these services.

Virginia

Recurring donations help nonprofits plan. It’s money they can rely on and actually look ahead and not just be scrambling.

Elizabeth

Scramble—that’s the perfect word. I get a little stressed every time we open the pantry.

Virginia

Well, I am really excited. I really appreciate you reaching out and giving us this opportunity to support what you’re doing. I think it’s so meaningful and so important. And, Burnt Toast, let’s get it done.

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Butter

Elizabeth

Something I discovered, I think by accident, is painting on burlap—like the material that they make sacks out of. It’s so random. They sell it at craft stores. And there was just some on sale. So I have just regular paints at home from ages ago that I just didn’t want to throw away. And, yeah, I just started. I stuck some burlap on a piece of wood, and just started painting it. And it just was so soothing. Just the surface of it, the texture, just painting over the burlap. And I was like, oh my gosh. Do people know about this?

Virginia

I did not! This is amazing.

Elizabeth

So not painting on canvas, but on burlap material. Even if you make a mistake, it still looks nice.

Virginia

What kind of paint are you using?

Elizabeth

It was literally paint that you would get at a hardware store, like if you were painting a wall in your house. They have specific fabric paint—because I’m going down a rabbit hole with it now—but that works just fine. Like, if you go to a hardware store and get a sample size, that’s what I had. I had a bunch of little samples. so I just started painting words on the burlap and making little gift things. And it was just so soothing. So that’s just a really random activity.

Virginia

That’s a great Butter. Thank you. I’ve been noticing a little trend with guests lately, where a lot of the Butters are people are really drawn to something that gets them off their phone, off the computer, kind of like an absorbing project. Absorbing projects have been a trend in butters, and I am a big fan. I’m a big jigsaw puzzle person and gardener. Like these tactile things that get us out of our heads a little bit are just great.

Elizabeth

Oh, wonderful. Oh, I’m so glad to hear that.

Virginia

My Butter is going to be somewhat related, and it’s a repeat Butter. I’ve recommended it before, but we have this great bird feeder. It’s called the Bird Buddy, and it has a camera in it, so it takes pictures of the birds for you and sends them to your phone. It’s not cheap, but they do go on sale from time to time. I will link to it.

But anyway, we moved the feeders to a new part of the garden, and we hung up our hummingbird feeder and another type of feeder—and just all of the birds that are coming now are making me so happy.

Elizabeth

I can imagine!

Virginia

I’m That Mom now. I’m like, “Guys, there are more goldfinches! Have you seen the goldfinches??” And one of my kids loves birds, and one of them doesn’t care. So I’m being a little excessive, and they’re like, okay, yes, we see.

But I think it’s the same thing of — I’m needing beauty that’s not in the Internet. That’s taking me away. And they’re so soothing to watch. So bird feeders, specifically, the camera one is really fun, but bird feeders in general, is my Butter today.

Elizabeth

Oh, now I want to see the photos of the birds.

Virginia

Oh, I’ll send you some. It’s pretty exciting.

Elizabeth, thank you so much. Let’s just remind everyone again, how to support you, how to donate to Me Little Me.

Elizabeth

You can go to MeLittleMeFoundation.org and there’s a donate page where you can make a one time donation or become a recurring donor.

You can get updates on our Instagram.

You can also get updates about my film at Me Little Me Film on Instagram.

The Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by Virginia Sole-Smith (follow me on Instagram) and Corinne Fay, who runs @SellTradePlus, and Big Undies.

The Burnt Toast logo is by Deanna Lowe.

Our theme music is by Farideh.

Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.

Thanks for listening and for supporting anti-diet, body liberation journalism!