The Science of Gratitude & 6 Surprising Ways You’re Getting It Wrong

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Jun 12, 2023

Discover the science behind gratitude and why most of us get it wrong. Learn about the essential elements of genuine gratitude that unlock its powerful benefits. Uncover six common ways toxic gratitude can creep into our lives without us even realizing it. Find out how just one specific word can help build resilience and improve connections with others. Plus, enjoy some fun bloopers for a good laugh at the end!

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ANECDOTE

A Chaotic Morning and an Act of Kindness

Mel Robbins shares a chaotic morning involving a false fire alarm, a frantic dash to a barre class, and a surprising encounter.
She highlights the kindness of Judah, the studio receptionist, which shifted her perspective and instilled a sense of gratitude.

INSIGHT

Genuine vs. Toxic Gratitude

Genuine gratitude, as exemplified by Mel Robbins's interaction with Judah, has a profound impact.
It's distinct from performative gratitude, which has become overly commercialized and often lacks depth.

INSIGHT

The Science of Gratitude

Gratitude, as defined by researcher Robert Emmons, is a deep appreciation for what you have received.
It rewires your brain to scan for the positive, triggering positive neurotransmitters and improving overall well-being.

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Today we are digging into the research on gratitude. Gratitude is a critical life skill, yet most of us are practicing it wrong.

That’s right.

According to the research, there are 4 essential elements of genuine gratitude. Without all 4, you can’t unlock the powerful physiological, neurological, and psychological benefits of genuine gratitude.

For example, if you’re just thinking about what you’re grateful for or writing a list before you go to bed, you’re probably not getting the full impact of its power.

Once you know the 4 steps, you can use genuine gratitude to actively rewire your brain!

Next, we’ll discuss the “Toxic Gratitude Theory” and the 6 ways you probably use gratitude in a backhanded or manipulative way – and don’t even know it!

I’m guilty of all 6 types of toxic gratitude (ouch) and now that I see it, I can stop doing it.

So today, let’s learn how to unlock gratitude and all its profound power. You’ll also learn…

The 4 neurotransmitters involved in a science-backed gratitude practice
The important difference between being just “thankful” versus genuinely “grateful” and why it matters
How using one specific word is critical to building up your resilience
What to say to someone who’s going through a really tough time

And because I’m so genuinely grateful for you, I have started rolling out a fun bonus with each episode, Mel Robbins Podcast Bloopers, so listen all the way through for a good laugh!

Xo Mel

In this episode, you’ll learn:

6:00: Ever met someone who just makes you feel so loved and grounded?
12:20: What happens in your body when you feel more gratitude?
16:00: What’s the difference between being thankful vs. gratitude?
21:40: Here are the four important elements of genuine gratitude.
25:00: Are you using gratitude in a toxic way? Hear these six types of toxic gratitude.
26:00: Let’s unpack the #1 way we engage in toxic gratitude.
28:10: The #2 type of toxic gratitude is actually resentment in disguise.
29:45: This #3 type will keep you stuck in what’s not working for you.
33:00: We use the 4th type of toxic gratitude to escape uncomfortable emotions.
36:00: Being mentally well means giving yourself the space to feel all emotions.
37:30: Let’s unpack how you use the 5th type when you don’t know what to say.
39:00: And please don’t use this type to downplay your accomplishments.
41:00: This is one of my favorite acceptance speeches ever.
43:00: I looked up the meaning of Judah’s name and couldn’t believe what I found.
46:00: So how do you stay grounded in a chaotic environment? Listen to these tips.

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