211: Vanessa Van Edwards - How To Be Instantly Irresistible

Jun 25, 2017

Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioral investigator and author, shares insights on human behavior and communication. She reveals how vulnerability can actually enhance our charm. Listeners learn the importance of decoding social signals and the traits of high warmth and competence that make charismatic leaders. For introverts, she provides networking tips, suggesting meaningful one-on-one conversations. Vanessa also emphasizes the power of asking the right questions to spark positive interactions and create authentic connections.

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INSIGHT

Sustained Excellence in Leadership

Sustained excellence in leadership involves decoding, encoding, and self-regulation.
These skills involve accurately reading and sending social signals, and processing them effectively.

INSIGHT

Balancing Warmth and Competence for Charisma

The most charismatic people balance high warmth and high competence.
Too much of one without the other diminishes charisma.

ANECDOTE

Lucille Ball: A Charisma Role Model

Vanessa Van Edwards considers Lucille Ball a role model for charisma.
Ball balanced competence as an innovator in entertainment with warmth and humor.

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Episode 211: Vanessa Van Edwards - How To Be Instantly Irresistible

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"Vulnerability is sexy. There is science to prove it."

Show Notes:

Sustained Excellence = Being a people reader (not a mind reader)
- Try to listen to others more than anyone else
- Get to KNOW the person
- 3 Skills
  - Decoding - Leaders who are able to read others accurately
  - Encoding - Your ability to send accurate signals to others... What can I do to excite others?
  - Self-Regulation
The art/science of inspiring others
We decide if someone is a winner or a loser... Do they feel pride or shame? If we feel pride, we take up more space, shame = less space
Charisma -- How to be instantly irresistible?
The most charismatic people
- High Warmth
- High Competence
- Must have both
- Lucille Ball is a great example. I Love Lucy
Do you need high levels of charisma to be an effective leader?
- You do not need to be extroverted... Or a booming leader
- Quiet, contemplative types can be phenomenal leaders
How to handle a room with a lot of people networking if you're an introvert?
- Your key in this room is to try and create 1 on 1 conversations. Play to your strengths
- Don't stand in the center of the room
- Stand at a high bar table
- Low light areas
Conversation hacks:
- Sparks - The brain looks for hits, not misses
- "Anything good happen lately?
- "Working on anything exciting?"
Ask soft yes/no questions...
- "A really skilled decoder is a better listener than anyone else"
"Vulnerability is sexy. There is science to prove it."
"Relatability comes down to ties." -- Saying "Oh, me too" creates a tie with that person.
- "You want this, I want this..." type speeches
The 7 micro-expressions

"The most charismatic people have: high warmth and high competence."

Social Media:

Follow Noah on Twitter: @vvanedwards
Read: Captivate
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Join our Facebook Group: The Learning Leader Community
To Follow Me on Twitter: @RyanHawk12

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Episode 179: How To Sustain Excellence - The Best Answers From 178 Questions

Episode 107: Simon Sinek – Leadership: It Starts With Why

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