How to Talk to Strangers– A conversation with Ashley Kirsner, Founder of “Skip the Small Talk”

Feb 9, 2023

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Making new connections can be tough. And quick moments of interaction with strangers aren’t the greatest opportunities to make friends. But let's be real, friendships are the essence of a rich and fulfilling life. So how do we get more intentional and step out of our own way?

In this episode, we chat with Ashley Kirsner, Founder of Skip the Small Talk, about constructing intentional spaces for people to come together, explore their comfort zones, and potentially develop relationships. We all start as outsiders seeking community, but with an encouraging pep talk, some self-compassion, and a flexible mindset, strangers can become acquainted.

Ashley believes in the efficacy of high-quality person-to-person interaction for improving psychological health. Learn more about her work here and connect with her on Instagram.

I’d love to hear who you want me to chat with next, let me know on Instagram.

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So, you go out, do activities you enjoy, and are still having a hard time finding your tribe. You may start to wonder…Where are all the cool girls at? Is it me? Am I trying too hard? Maybe not hard enough? Bridging the gap between friendly ‘hellos’ to ‘hey, I think you’re really cool and that we could be great friends’ is tough, especially with the ability to revert into the pocket-sized digital abyss just a finger-tap away. Ashley Kirsner, Founder of “Skip the Small Talk”, and Danielle Bayard Jackson, your resident friendship expert, shares some key pointers on how to overcome conversations that may feel anxiety-inducing, to help you enjoy the long-lasting friendships that are waiting on the other side.

Be Your Own Hype Woman

You know what they say, practice makes perfect. And in this case, the practice extends to the work that you do before you enter the room. Set the tone from the beginning – look in the mirror (or not) and give yourself a real pep talk. Lean into the mental prep work before going out so that the experience doesn't feel like a daunting task to check off of your to-do list. This isn't something that you've got to get through, it's a unique experience that you deserve to be fully present for. And maybe you'll get a few funny stories to share out of it.

Nothing is perfect. Not you, not me, and not them.

Give yourself some grace. Shower in self-compassion. No interaction will go perfectly smoothly, and that's okay. You may be a little awkward, but 9 times out of 10, so will the person you're talking to. Remaining mindful and aware that nobody knows what to do can ease the stress of keeping up appearances. You're allowed to feel bored, excited, annoyed, or nervous, and you don't need to attack or resolve those feelings right away. Initiate conversations to learn more about yourself, and others.

Give Yourself Permission.

Deeper interactions are intentional and inherently vulnerable. Sometimes we can get in our own way, confining ourselves into a mindset of what friendship should look like or how it should develop. When meeting new people, allow the conversation to unfold naturally, revealing itself to you. Focus on the process and your actions of engagement more than others. Focusing on yourself gives you, in social-psychological terms, an internal locus of control that can act as a safety blanket in moments of awkward silence or discomfort. Success doesn't have to mean leaving with your soul mate or next BFF. It can be the small wins of continuing to share connections, experiences, and quirky facts with people who are there to listen.

You deserve to have amazing, fruitful friendships in your life. Ashley Kirsner, Founder of “Skip the Small Talk”, and Danielle Bayard Jackson, your resident friendship expert hope that you find loads of value from this episode. And don’t forget, #AskHerOutAlready is in full effect. We want to see those pictures and read the stories.