EP466 – Polysecure: Attachment Theory in Non-Monogamy

Welcome to Episode 466 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I am excited to be joined by Jessica Fern who speaks to me about consensual non-monogamy, secure attachment, and the inner work required to build healthy open relationships.

In this conversation, Jessica shares her personal journey into non-monogamy and the ways her clinical work pushed her to explore the topic more deeply. We talk about emotional exclusivity, the origins of Polysecure, and how people can distinguish between personal triggers, relational dynamics, and the messages they have absorbed from society. Jessica offers thoughtful insights on insecurity, jealousy, and the importance of intentional repair when conflict arises.

 

Jessica Fern holds a Master’s degree in Conflict Resolution, is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, a trained Internal Family Systems (IFS) practitioner, and an integrative therapist drawing on 25 years of experience in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic, and spiritual healing modalities. She is the internationally recognized author of Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Nonmonogamy, The Polysecure Workbook, and Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships. 

In this episode, you will hear:

 

• Jessica’s Early Exploration Of Non Monogamy

• Unconscious Beginnings And Identity Formation

• How Clinical Work Sparked Conscious Alignment

• Emotional Exclusivity And Realistic Expectations

• Origins And Meaning Of The Term Polysecure

• Hearts Model For Secure Attachment

• Differentiating Me We Or Society

• Conflict Repair And Nervous System Regulation

• Assessing Readiness For Opening Relationships

• Misconceptions Around Jealousy And Compersion

Thank you to our sponsor Hily! Hily is a dating app that connects singles with new people while supporting them in remaining authentic. Short for “Hey, I Like You,” it encourages users to be themselves, focusing on real connections over competition. With features like Icks&Clicks compatibility check and Consent Guard, Hily supports more genuine and safer interactions. Launched in 2017, it ranks among the top 10 US dating apps, with over 40 million users globally.

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