Bringing Up Boys with Dr Arne Rubinstein

Boys take risks. They push limits. They scare us. But underneath all that danger is an ancient drive to grow up and belong. In this deeply eye-opening conversation with Dr Arne Rubinstein, we unpack why boys behave this way, the missing “rite of passage” that modern culture has abandoned, and what parents can do today to help boys become grounded, respectful, and emotionally mature young men. This episode delivers clarity, relief, and practical steps every family needs.

KEY POINTS

• Boys are wired for risk — if adults don’t create safe challenges, they’ll create their own.

• Cultures worldwide share four rite-of-passage elements: storytelling, challenge, visioning, and honouring.

• Without that process, boys can grow into adult men with boy psychology (self-centred, entitled, emotionally volatile).

• Dads, mums, and male role models each play a critical role — but the village matters for every boy.

• Early parenting is crucial: strong relationships, fair boundaries, shared stories, and responsibilities build maturity.

• Single mums can create support through uncles, mentors, friends, and community.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Every boy will go through a rite of passage. The question is whether he creates it himself — or whether we create something appropriate for him.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Dr Arne Rubinstein — Rites of Passage Institute

• The Making of Men (book)

• Happy Families Bringing Up Boys Summit

• The Miss-Connection Summit is also available
• Sign up here to be the first to news about Justin's new book 'Boys'

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

1. Create 1:1 connection time — device-free and regular.

2. Share stories from your own adolescence — including failures and learnings.

3. Acknowledge strengths — notice what goes right.

4. Teach reflection before correction — ask what they think first.

5. Pair privileges with responsibility — avoid entitlement.

6. Build the village — involve mentors, relatives, teachers, coaches.

7. Separate the child from the behaviour — “I love you, but this isn’t okay.”

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