Attachment styles: How knowing ourselves can lead to better, more lasting relationships
Aug 19, 2023
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Amir Levine, associate professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, discusses attachment theory and its impact on relationships. He explains the origins of attachment theory and how it can carry through into adulthood. The podcast explores the different attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant) and their influence on closeness and fear of losing availability in relationships. It also delves into the benefits of secure attachment and the dynamics between avoidant and anxious attachment styles.
Attachment is a fundamental human need that impacts our overall well-being and independence.
Understanding different attachment styles can bring clarity and insight into romantic relationships.
Deep dives
Attachment as Fundamental Human Need
Attachment is a fundamental human need, akin to basic food and water. Our ability to form secure attachments impacts our independence and overall well-being. Understanding attachment styles can bring clarity to romantic relationships.
Attachment Bonds in Childhood and Adulthood
Attachment bonds formed in infancy and childhood continue to develop through adulthood, influencing friendships, marriage, and parenthood. Mary Ainsworth's research and the Strange Situation Test shed light on different attachment styles observed in children.
Understanding Anxious Attachment Style
Individuals with an anxious attachment style desire intimacy and closeness but are constantly worried about the availability and love of their partner. They may exhibit protest behavior and seek reassurance to establish a secure connection.
Understanding Avoidant Attachment Style
Individuals with an avoidant attachment style are uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness and often prioritize self-reliance. They tend to distance themselves, minimize closeness, and deactivate emotions to maintain independence.
As infants, humans’ bond between mother or caregiver is essential, what Levine calls “a necessary element in our thriving, just as much as food and water.” When those patterns of attachment are formed, they can also carry through into adulthood and impact subsequent bonds and attachments.
Attachment theory was pioneered by British psychiatrist and child development specialist John Bowlby, whose research included working with children displaced during The Blitz in WWII London.
“What they noticed [was] even though they were able to give them food and shelter, because there were so many, they didn't pay much attention to engaging with them,” Levine explains. “A lot of these very young infants and kids failed to grow properly and develop.”
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