274. What Is Our Rage Telling Us? with Dr. Becky Kennedy
Jan 23, 2024
54:29
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Dr. Becky Kennedy, a psychologist specializing in anger and unmet needs in women, joins the show to discuss 'mom rage' and the connection between anger and unmet needs. They explore the impact of society's shaming of anger in women, tips for managing anger and recognizing needs, and the transformative potential of rage.
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Quick takeaways
Mom rage is a result of unmet needs, lack of anger management skills, and societal expectations of limitless giving.
Society's unrealistic expectations of motherhood contribute to the prevalence of mom rage and feelings of resentment and frustration.
Managing mom rage involves prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, understanding anger's role in expressing unmet needs, and seeking support to break free from shame and guilt.
Deep dives
Understanding Mom Rage
Mom rage is not a sign of being a bad parent, but rather a combination of unmet needs, a lack of anger management skills, and shame. It is a result of the overwhelming demands and limited resources that come with motherhood. Society often expects mothers to be selfless and limitless in their capacity to give, which is unrealistic. Anger is a natural emotion that signals unmet needs, and when those needs are consistently ignored, it can lead to explosive moments of rage. It is important for mothers to acknowledge their own needs and set boundaries in order to prevent and manage mom rage.
The Impact of Societal Expectations
Society's expectations of motherhood contribute to the prevalence of mom rage. Mothers are often expected to prioritize the needs of others and suppress their own desires, leading to feelings of resentment and frustration. The idea that mothers should be self-sacrificing and have unlimited patience is a harmful myth that places unrealistic pressure on women. The lack of support and understanding for the challenges faced by mothers further adds to the likelihood of experiencing mom rage.
The Importance of Self-Care and Boundaries
Taking care of oneself and setting boundaries is crucial in managing mom rage. It starts with carving out time for self-care and prioritizing personal needs. By protecting their calendar and actively making time for themselves, mothers can start recognizing their own worth and entitlement to have their needs met. This may involve exploring different activities or simply allowing oneself moments of rest and relaxation. Building a healthier relationship with anger, understanding its role in expressing unmet needs, is also key in addressing and managing mom rage.
Breaking the Shame Cycle
Shame and guilt are often associated with mom rage, making it harder for mothers to seek help and make positive changes. It is important to separate the rage or anger moments from one's overall identity as a parent. Reminding oneself that they are a good person who is going through a difficult time can create space for self-reflection and growth. Connecting with others who can provide support and understanding, and seeking resources that offer guidance and strategies, can also be instrumental in breaking free from the shame cycle and finding healthier ways to manage anger.
Recognizing and Addressing Societal Privilege
Discussions around mom rage often center on the experiences of privileged individuals. It is crucial to acknowledge that societal perception and responses to anger differ across various cultural contexts. While the strategies suggested may be helpful for many, it is important to create more inclusive spaces and resources that address the unique challenges and stigmatization faced by individuals from marginalized communities. Deepening awareness of these intersections and supporting efforts to amplify diverse voices can help foster understanding and promote change.
Dr. Becky Kennedy is back to discuss something rarely talked about: “mom rage” – and the crucial connection between anger and our unmet needs.
What leads to these explosive moments – and why it's more common than we might think;
How understanding the story behind the rage moment can help us figure out what led to it and what we need.
The impact of society's shaming of anger in women; and
Tips for managing our anger, recognizing our needs, and taking care of ourselves.
About Dr. Becky:
Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and mom of three – who’s rethinking the way we raise our children – and named “The Millennial Parenting Whisperer” by TIME Magazine. Dr. Becky is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be and founder of the Good Inside Membership platform, a hub with Dr. Becky’s complete parenting content collection all in one place. Dr. Becky hosts Good Inside with Dr Becky, a chart-topping podcast with over 20M downloads. In 2023, Dr. Becky delivered a TED Talk in which she shares “the single most important parenting strategy”.