The Psychology of your 20s 324. Why do we hold grudges?
Aug 21, 2025
Dive into the complexities of grudges and why they linger in our minds. Discover how resentment serves as an emotional archive, helping us navigate hurt and assert boundaries. Learn about the psychological factors that propel us to hold onto these feelings, revealing their dual role as both protective mechanisms and barriers to healing. Explore practical strategies for letting go and understand the profound impact grudges can have on our mental and physical health, making way for personal growth and emotional freedom.
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Rumination Defines A Grudge
- A grudge is defined by active rumination: repeatedly dwelling on an offense and re-experiencing negative emotions.
- This cyclical process keeps the memory emotionally alive even if its intensity fades.
Negativity Bias Anchors Painful Memories
- Memory is biased toward emotionally salient negative events due to evolutionary negativity bias.
- We encode social threats strongly so past harms are more easily recalled and prioritized.
Grudges As (Over)protective Shields
- Holding a grudge can act as a psychological shield, keeping you hypervigilant to avoid future harm.
- That protective function can be adaptive but becomes maladaptive when it shuts you off from new connection.