Former No.1 Pick-Up Artist: “We’re Wired to Cheat After 7 Years”, “I Was In A Relationship With My Mum”, The True Danger Of Porn: Neil Strauss
Nov 13, 2023
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Neil Strauss, a former music journalist and bestselling author, delves into the complexities of love and relationships. He opens up about his journey through sex addiction rehab, revealing how it reshaped his understanding of intimacy. The discussion highlights why many cheat after seven years, the roots of commitment issues, and the hidden dangers of porn. Strauss also shares insights on breaking toxic dating cycles and the importance of childhood experiences in shaping adult relationships, all while offering practical advice on finding true love.
Honesty and trust are vital for a healthy relationship.
Cheating damages the emotional bond and trust within a relationship.
Prioritizing mental health and personal development contribute to healthier and more authentic relationships.
Deep dives
The Importance of Honesty and Trust in Relationships
Being completely honest and having trust are both crucial for a healthy relationship. Honesty means being open and transparent with your partner, while trust means believing in and relying on each other. Both honesty and trust are necessary for the relationship to work well. Checking your partner's mobile phone behind their back is a form of cheating and can severely damage the trust in a relationship. Cheating on someone without them finding out still harms the cheater because it creates a disconnect in the relationship and prevents authentic connection and intimacy from occurring.
The Consequences of Cheating on a Relationship
Cheating on a partner can have significant consequences for the cheater. It creates a divide in the relationship and hampers authentic connection and intimacy. The cheater's thoughts are consumed with the other person they cheated with, leading to a shift in behavior and a sense of something being wrong in the relationship. This can lead to both parties feeling disconnected, insecure, and questioning what is wrong with themselves or with the relationship. Cheating ultimately compromises the trust and emotional bond within a relationship.
The Importance of Mental Health in Relationships
Mental health in relationships is essential, but often overlooked. Taking care of one's mental health should be as important as prioritizing physical health. Many issues in relationships stem from unhealed wounds and past traumas. Mental health concerns should be taken seriously, and seeking the help of therapists or psychologists should be encouraged. Building a strong foundation of mental well-being can contribute to healthier relationships and more authentic connections with others.
Finding Happiness and Growth in Relationships
To find happiness and growth in relationships, individuals need to focus on personal development and becoming the best version of themselves. Instead of seeking validation from multiple partners or external sources, it is important to work on healing personal wounds and understanding one's own needs and desires. This self-improvement journey allows individuals to attract partners at the same level of growth and self-esteem, fostering healthier connections. By prioritizing self-improvement, individuals can create more fulfilling and authentic relationships.
Insight 1: Embracing Uncertainty and Finding Self-Validation
The podcast explores the concept of embracing uncertainty and the importance of finding self-validation. The host discusses moments of uncertainty in his life, specifically after 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina, where he experienced existential uncertainty and a lack of trust in the system. He shares how he navigated these uncertain times by taking steps to feel safe and gain peace of mind. Additionally, the guest emphasizes the significance of self-esteem coming from within and the importance of being other-oriented and of service to others. The conversation also delves into the idea of identity, labeling, and the long path to self-improvement.
Insight 2: Lessons From Writing and Personal Experiences
In this segment, the podcast explores the insights gained from writing books and personal experiences. The guest, a successful author, reflects on the impact of his previous books, including 'The Game' and 'The Truth,' and how they relate to dating, relationships, and self-esteem. He mentions the importance of learning from past experiences and recognizing the seeds that have been planted in one's life. The conversation touches on topics like the exploration of male insecurity, personal growth, and the journey of self-discovery. The guest also expresses his focus on project-based achievements and the desire for his work to be recognized and valued.
What can the former world’s best pick up artist and now recovered sex addict teach you about love?
In this new episode Steven sits down with 10x New York Times bestselling author, Neil Strauss.
Neil Strauss is a former music critic, cultural reporter and ghostwriter, he is best known for his books, ‘The Game’ and ‘Rules Of The Game’ which documented the secret world of pickup artists.
In this conversation Neil and Steven discuss topics, such as:
How he went to rehab to overcome sex addiction
His emotional evolution
How he redefined his idea of love
Dealing with a toxic relationship with a parent
The reasons people have commitment issues
Why dating is so hard
Three steps for healing trauma
How we are wired to cheat after 7 years in a relationship
Why marriage is now a tick box exercise
How to attract a perfect partner
Why all relationship issues are historical
The dangers of masturbation and porn
What he learned as Kevin Hart’s ghostwriter
The one attribute that made Kevin Hart a success
Kevin Hart’s key to resistance
How to overcome fear of abandonment
Why your childhood is the reason behind your relationship problems
The 5 things men need to do to find love
How to break out of a toxic dating cycle
Why checking a partners phone is cheating
Living in a separate world when you cheat
You can purchase Neil’s most recent book, ‘The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships’, here: https://amzn.to/3u9gm17
You can purchase Neil's book, 'The Game: Undercover in the Secret Society of Pickup Artists', here: https://amzn.to/3udYx13
